Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML
Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML
Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML
Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm expecting our second child. He ripped up the sonogram and yelled at me to "fucking get rid of it" while jabbing me in the chest. FML
Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML
Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML
Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
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Top comments
LostMy_Marbles 24
At least he isn't scarred over watching the whole ordeal!
Enslaved 38
Almost as charming as a guy asking the doctor to add a few extra stitches in.
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Comments (91)
LostMy_Marbles 24
At least he isn't scarred over watching the whole ordeal!
Rinat_fml 26
If he didn't mean it as a joke, he seems like a typical douche.
Knightchaser27 25
Why would he be scarred,she did most of the work
smokecloud_ 37
I remember my brother in-law's face after my sister had her first. She recalls it as an "easy" experience, he recalls the tale as a horror film.
jeepers_1 21
33, have you ever witnessed childbirth? It's terrifying. Imagine something you love being torn apart while you watched... not pretty, then some stitches and some healing later and you're supposed to love it again. Some men actually end up with PTSD after watching their wives give birth!
RedPillSucks 33
He didn't necessarily watch
jeepers_1 21
chances are if he was in the room he caught at least a peek, first thing you do when you're told not to look is look.
LostMy_Marbles 24
33, the experience can be very traumatic for someone. It is a beautiful moment but completely horrifying at the same time. I have known some men to cry in the corner after seeing it, others faint... And as said above, some men get PTSD
nyancait 18
Priorities.
redstone7693 29
the man's got his priorities straight.
WasabiMars 21
So what did the doctor say?
crissco 2
Six weeks
sayyestothedress 24
#12 how would you know? Unless you're the husband
slytherbitch 15
Because that's what all doctors say.
vtperson80s 4
#14 almost every doctor will recommend waiting at least 6 weeks to have sex after giving birth...Just FYI
iLike2Teabag 27
18 years.
JT7570 7
6 weeks :P
Enslaved 38
Almost as charming as a guy asking the doctor to add a few extra stitches in.
sweetbliss3 37
I probably laughed harder than I should have at this.
brittbritt1388 10
my ex husband said that to the dr. well he said sew it up tight dr!
slumcat 10
#23 I can see why he is your ex husband.
CoGhostRider 31
Depends on if you have a private room or semi private room
thevelociraptor 31
Nope, it's still 6 weeks, and the privacy of a room is definitely not a factor.
CoGhostRider 31
Apparently not lol
pwnman 33
Congratulations on your baby, I feel sorry that he has an immature daddy.
chadermcchaf 16
I'm sorry but reading "immature daddy" made me spit out my drink in laughter
silvercamaro 22
I would tell him to focus on this child before possibly having another one
Cryptical 13
You got your priorities straight.
PhilSnake22 13
The thought enters every mans mind at some point, but he made the rookie mistake of saying it...
diving_fml 30
congrats on the baby.
Drag0nb0rn 22
This FML confused me so much because I thought he meant hit the baby and I became fearful for that poor things safety.
Cryptical 13
I'm sorry, but are you mentally challenged?
peacheso 31
#37 so what if he's mentally challenged? Is that a bad thing?? Don't.
peacheso 31
#37 so what if he's mentally challenged? Is that a bad thing? Don't.
Cryptical 13
That's actually pretty righteous. I don't meet a lot of people like you.
chronicxxx 4
Virgin.
Drag0nb0rn 22
I would like to apologize that my mind doesn't automatically connect everything to sex.