Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML
Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML
Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML
Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML
Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML
Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML
Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML
Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML
Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML
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Top comments
pwnman 33
You could have said that having sex with him caused the problems!
xoamy906 25
What would make him think it was about him?
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Comments (125)
DotDootyDot 17
Why yes, giving my partner an ****** will definitely help me when I'm in labor! Specially when said ****** is potentially fatal!
perdix 31
#11, a real man can keep his vehicle under control during an ******.
gloooooria 14
A real man wouldn't be so selfish.
perdix 31
#38, a real man wouldn't have to ask. His woman would jump on any opportunity to latch on to his mighty knob :)
gloooooria 14
#46, I take it this knowledge is from research and not experience ;)
perdix 31
#56, you'd be wrong. The tricky part is getting the Special License to be allowed to drive in that condition. Getting a girl to blow me while I negotiate a slalom course with a State Trooper in the back seat is the true mark of Real Manliness.
gloooooria 14
Hmmm, I see. Well, I think it's safe to say OP's hubby doesn't have that skill nor license.
perdix 31
#70, you need to read carefully. There's no husband, just a boyfriend.
gloooooria 14
Thanks for clearly that up for me.
smokecloud_ 37
46 wins :D
mollyjynxjax 28
She wasn't in labor, she was trying to naturally induce it
PhoenixChick 26
where was the bear? shouldn't 'you be fighting a bear?
newburton13 26
That's considered distracted driving and he'll get a ticket for that.
ApollosMyth 22
Psh, it's only illegal if you get caught.
skitzymew 19
Actually, #57, it's always illegal. It's just that actions aren't taken unless you get caught. That's obvious, though. I know I'm more than likely going to get negative replies, but what you just said is pure stupidity.
Mads_1234 28
#75, it was a joke. No one in their right mind would say that and mean it.
agzz21 6
It's the internet. People nowadays believe everything they see.
ThorneCrossed 9
I would totally oblige the lady. That would be AWESOME
catwho 18
I'm trying to see giving road head when that far along without being very uncomfortable or very unsafe and failing.
cottoncandymango 17
Your boyfriend isn't even thinking straight.
perdix 31
#17, especially when he is trying to figure out why he's taking her to her prenatal appointments when it's really her husband's job. That can be very confusing.
olpally 33
The hell? He's some kind of special isn't he? Why'd you breed with him? :/ congrats on the baby, I guess...
Ms_ValS 27
Hahaha! Exactly what I was thinking! She will soon have two babies to take care of :)
perdix 31
#18, yes, she ought to dump him and get her husband to take her to her prenatal appointments. Oh, did I go there? Looks like I did!
avapaige1234 19
Such idiocy! So much for breeding with him. FYL
Flowtastic 16
You helped pass his genes on. FYL & YDI :/
yscpunkchick 14
I'm not even sure HOW you would be able to give him road head! At a week overdue, you're probably as big as a house!