Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad, who lives hours away, called and told me he was getting married. Today. As in this evening. Guess I'm not invited. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML
Today, my father contacted me for the first time in years to ask about my upcoming wedding, and possibly walking me down the aisle. He claimed the only reason he left was because he thought I'd be gay. I am. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML
Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML
Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML
Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML
Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML
Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML
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Top comments
Intoxicunt 6
Maybe his wife is so ugly he didn't want you to see her. Perfectly understandable! Nah, I'm joking, he's an ass. Make her a widow.
DameGreyWulf 1
Must have eloped
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Comments (44)
ilikecrazy 6
Maybe you should have actually answered the phone then.
XcuzimsotiredX 25
mine never told me...
kutkutkut 8
What an asshole.
TomeDr 25
My ex told our kids when he got remarried via Facebook.