Anonymous
Brampton, Canada
Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Sydney, Australia
Great talk, Dad
Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad walked in to talk. He said I'm not the son he'd hoped for, and that he'd been let down as a father. He said I should change the way I am so that he could love me more. It was the longest conversation I've had with my dad in years. FML
Anonymous
Twinsburg, United States
Today, I was pulled aside by my father's new wife and told, "You're not your dad's favorite anymore and you need to stop acting like it." FML
Still Waiting
Wenatchee, United States
Welcome home!
Today, I had an appointment. After 2 hours of waiting in the sun, my mom finally picked me up and lectured me on how irresponsible my dad was for not communicating with her. Not 5 minutes after I got home, my dad showed up and gave me the same exact lecture about my mom. FML
rejectedson
This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff
United States
Nice to know
Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML
Anonymous
Camden Wyoming, United States
Angry man
Today, I learned that now that my mom is dead, and my dad doesn't need my emotional support during her illness anymore, he's going to go back to insulting me every time he talks to me. FML
The nice guy finishing last
Are you kidding me?
Today, my mom talked me into going to a funeral since my dad wouldn't go. It was for one of her classmates. When it was our time to view the casket, we paused in front of it for a second before my mom leans over to me and says, "What if I told you that was really your dad?" FML
Anonymous
Bronx, United States
Today, I visited my dad. He gave the, "You live under my roof, you follow my rules" lecture since I didn't do my "chores". I moved out 3 years ago. FML
idonteven
Los Angeles, United States
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
TrashlifeKaylala
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk
Today, my father once again sat me and my boyfriend of a year down to have another "talk." These "talks" are always something negative against our relationship, and how it’s not up to his standards. We’ve explained numerous times why he’s wrong. My father is about to make me single. FML
Anonymous
Albuquerque, United States
Dementia?
Today, my dad called me a pussy and said I wasn't a real man, simply because I hugged and kissed my son and told him that I loved him. It gets even better though. My dad was openly affectionate and loving to me when I was a kid, then somewhere along the line, he became this horrible person. Can't go no contact. FML
Top comments
jkmartinjk 16
I believe we're missing a crucial piece of information here.
CareFace 16
The milkman.
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Comments (199)
trollfaced 2
Then who is your biological father?
CareFace 16
The milkman.
TinyEMT 6
You are truly an idiot.
nslurve 4
Obviously telling you who the biological father is would be pointless.
Zya_fml 8
How would be know #1...?
Zya_fml 8
he*...
Meowingtons500 18
We're going to have to get this shit on Maury!
BRLHP 24
I don't understand why #1's comment was buried. Seems like a good question to me.
IOmnomHard 10
Did anyone else think that by 'no longer my father' that OPs Dad got a sex change/announced a sex change to OP? I know that's probably not the case. Seems funnier this way though :3
Big_lama6 7
I remember when my dad sat me down for "the talk"
MissMae93 23
66 - Oh,
MissMae93 23
So you don't know who your biological father is either? (sorry, the app glitched while I was typing)
thatKidzmOm 10
Is your mom still your mom, at least?
Danielt104 6
Well seeing as there is a slight possibility that his dad might have had a sex change, that seems unlikely.
citymayer 7
It happened to me too. Well... Not in such a nice way.. I don't know who my real dad is, but I don't really care. Sometimes it just doesn't matter.
Calyx_fml 22
Maury Povitch is your father.
simonsaysYDI 8
62 - That's what I thought
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Darth Vader.
humorizer 14
I also assumed that the dad sat down to explain he had a sex change and was now "his second mother" (gay adoptive parents often both like being called the dad/mom).
TrollPolice 0
Why would you want to find your biological father anyway? If you already have a father who cares about you and does everything for you then why?
Dezim92 1
I thought about that!
daisiebud 18
My first thought was disowning. But, yeah, sex-change or adoption is probably more likely.
P374RD3D 9
How did he do that?
buck33 14
I hate your username.
surrounded_fml 6
Court dismissed... Bring in the dancing lobsters!
DrJesse 10
76- you won this thread for your comment.
BulldogHoops 14
I believe that Baustigt is slowly rising towards becoming an FML legend.
goaliemkl123 8
You have an entire ball made of dust? You need a swiffer.
siickman 7
Is this guys username really petarded .. Wow.
vettle 6
It's a family guy reference people!!
jkmartinjk 16
I believe we're missing a crucial piece of information here.
bigtaytay 13
What's missing? There's 2 possibilities: he's adopted or his dad isn't his biological father. Nothing too complicated to figure out here
amandalillian 27
I for one would also like to hear how the conversation took such a surprising turn
jkmartinjk 16
It was a joke... The way the FML is worded makes it sound like the dad did some magic trick and 'alakazam!' he was no longer OP's dad. It's just quite vague.
onlychildFTW 34
That's what I thought it sounded like to. Haha.
FYLminerocks 7
Not necessarily. It could be that his dad had a sex change, making him/her a mom.
thebeautybleeds 17
Am I the only one who thought maybe he was disowned? Isn't that a possibility?
onlychildFTW 34
I guess being disowned is a possibility too. I didn't think of that one.
Mideoyeo 12
I was thinking maybe his parents got a divorce...
Sarkisa54 5
Even if they got divorced, he would still be his/her dad.
Shadow_Blues 10
Because getting divorced changes the DNA of your children... =_=U
Keliosan 6
*heavy breathing* OP.....I am not your father. Now that that's through. I think the best assumption is adoption as disowning someone usually isn't a "lets have a sit down" kind of conversation.
Tuffay 14
Could be a third option... Maybe he killed his Dad...
Grimmerie 31
I doubt that learning of being adopted would cause OP to think of this father figure any differently. I was adopted, and the woman who adopted me is my mother, no questions asked. I've always known I was adopted and it doesn't change a thing. My first thought was OP's father confessing to being transsexual. It's far more common than people think.
ScarletFever67 6
I mean it could be a switched at birth scenario....
madiwoods012 6
I thought he was disowned
darkmis1 18
I thought they had sex and he was now a rapist or something. I guess I have a sick mind.
hallkchallkc 4
*too
stax23 5
Umm adopted??
lilmslady 11
Or his dad could be a woman now
DoomSkuller 28
Magically changed genders mid-conversation? seems legit
sapperdad 0
Maury!
thrashtildeath 9
Jerry!
skyttlz 32
Maury is better than Jerry.
weallfml 3
JERRY JERRY
RobinKCS 9
And he never told you for how many years that you're adopted, or that your mother whored around, or something? This also seems pretty vague. :I
MetalxSoldier 26
Yeah, I feel like there is something missing from this FML.
RocketNinjaFish 12
he could have been adopted or maybe his father disowned him :( The first is probably more likely though.
coolblue424 1
Or his dad was actually his mom. :O
TheElderTROLLZ 15
58- And his mom was his brother!
btchinsammy 0
His mother may not have "whored around" he could have been an ivf baby (or what ever it's called)
citymayer 7
I'm kind of offended.. My mom wasn't whoring around when she got pregnant for me.. The guy just left her and moved away before ahe knew she was pregnant and she had no way to contact him and no one to help her find him.
st0815 9
#5 - the dad might not have known, before.
sonrisapreciosa 6
I need specifics!!!
cja101 8
The great thing about this fml is that you can make what happend up yourself.
Judahsh 8
A poetic fml
LaughinStock 16
At first I thought this was going the family guy route. Then I was like hmm maybe I should look at this more seriously. Op at the end of the day he was the one that was always there for you (that's if this was going down the adopted route) :)
nerdchic 5
Yea you don't have to be the biological father to be a dad :)
mxpklx 12
Well, that sure escalated quickly.
KrayKrayGurl117 7
Well that was short...
gmc_blossom 21
That's what she said.
AaliyahMorgan143 5
At least he's there for u right? :)