Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he thinks brushing his teeth and doing anything basically hygienic is unnecessary now, because, "we're all going to die out around about 2050 anyway." FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML
Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML
Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning, only to find out that I had been brushing my teeth wrong for years. He told me you're supposed to let the toothpaste do its magic instead of rinsing it off. Is this true? FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML
Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML
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Top comments
pleasedie 22
Congratulations ! You're dating one of those special types of idiots
gosh_mate 30
Find some scientific evidence to back up the view that you need to actually brush your teeth. If he still doesn't believe that, then tell him having decayed teeth isn't fun. His mouth is going to get real nasty, real soon.
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Comments (69)
bnbhimp 10
This is what happens when you date a fuckboy
dominicks 11
He sounds like he's onto something. Definitely a keeper! (Yes I'm joking. He sounds quite idiotic.)
YFOS_fml 17
wow that's disgusting!
ourtneyc 14
I don't want to be the person that's like "dump him!" but you might want to reconsider the relationship if he's that ... well... dumb
kobomk 5
maybe hes's being sarcastic
sighlifeman 12
hes...special
drunk_collins23 12
George Washington didn't need tooth paste
simplyluisjavier 8
He also had wooden teeth. #SplinterKisses
KaidensCrow 18
he used varnish. :)
drunk_collins23 12
I heard it was actually elephant tusk
widowedbanshee 13
sounds like my disgusting ex
ladyg228 15
I hope you have stopped kissing him or sharing food for the sake of your own teeth. Cavities and oral bacteria can easily be transferred into your mouth upon contact
Lalala579121 28
Well cavities are your tooth decaying due to plaque so if you've found out how to make people's teeth decay on contact I think we'd all like to know how.
betweenwinds 18
57 - 39 is right. Cavities are actually a communicable disease. Everyone has a unique bacterial flora in their mouth. If you make oral contact with someone, you can transmit your different types of bacteria back and forth. Yummy, right? Cavities are the result of certain bacteria producing lactic acid as they ferment the sugars left in your mouth. The presence of plaque just causes that acid to be held against the teeth for longer. Removing it can help prevent caries, but the amount of acid produced in the first place depends a ton on what types of bacteria colonize your mouth and how often you eat sugary foods.
KaidensCrow 18
tell him he's right but that an over exposure to plaque will make him unable to have sex. ;) he doesn't need to know it's because it grosses you out