Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he thinks brushing his teeth and doing anything basically hygienic is unnecessary now, because, "we're all going to die out around about 2050 anyway." FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML
Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML
Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning, only to find out that I had been brushing my teeth wrong for years. He told me you're supposed to let the toothpaste do its magic instead of rinsing it off. Is this true? FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML
Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
pleasedie 22
Congratulations ! You're dating one of those special types of idiots
gosh_mate 30
Find some scientific evidence to back up the view that you need to actually brush your teeth. If he still doesn't believe that, then tell him having decayed teeth isn't fun. His mouth is going to get real nasty, real soon.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (69)
moo77_fml 20
OMG!!! His still your boyfriend... I bet his charmingly smelly when he comes in for a kiss!! NEXT!!!!
subscript 15
He's right and sex is the work of the devil and if you have sex before you are married you will get Klamydia (pregnant) and die
hoosiergirl94 31
Eww you kiss that guy
miss_my_prince 3
ex. boyfriend
Sciath13 14
And you get to kiss that...
Levvy 22
Kinda like how if two dogs bump into each other, the younger dog dissolves the older one on contact! I'm glad to see he understands biology so well.
oliviadanjou99 15
And tell him you're not going to kiss him anytime soon...
PDSot 21
you dont actually need to use toothpaste, just hot water toothpaste helps but it's not necessary and tooth pain can be helped by swishing coconut oil around in ur mouth 20 minutes a day
BeenIt 5
Just nasty! Definately a deal-breaker. Imma have to ask that you move on.
numbfree 9
As a dentist, the less you brush the more money I make. Thanks for being so stupid.