Today, my boyfriend thinks he's discovered a big conspiracy by dentists to sell toothpaste. He's arguing that nobody needs to brush their teeth, ever, because all the "new plaque" from food will dissolve the "old plaque", and the only thing he needs to use is breath spray. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he thinks brushing his teeth and doing anything basically hygienic is unnecessary now, because, "we're all going to die out around about 2050 anyway." FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why chewing "shit-tons of gum" is not an actual alternative to brushing his teeth. FML
Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML
Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning, only to find out that I had been brushing my teeth wrong for years. He told me you're supposed to let the toothpaste do its magic instead of rinsing it off. Is this true? FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML
Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML
Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML
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Top comments
pleasedie 22
Congratulations ! You're dating one of those special types of idiots
gosh_mate 30
Find some scientific evidence to back up the view that you need to actually brush your teeth. If he still doesn't believe that, then tell him having decayed teeth isn't fun. His mouth is going to get real nasty, real soon.
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Comments (69)
derangedplanet 23
this man will be dumped soon for his mouth
mrdvs31 3
and you let him go down on you
snowbuny350 0
I hope he's your ex now. How gross.
Lalala579121 28
It's not an FML until someone suggests breaking up or sueing.
FalloutScrolls 25
I bet when he smiles, his pearly yellows shine oh so brightly.
tigerk 2
Uh... are you dating my ex? Haha
amvoisard 7
He deserves a plaque for that one!
iAlissa 34
*slow but approving clap*
Glynnis62 13
I think your boyfriend is a little bit on the special side.
khorstmye 15
Well hey, once they rot and fall out he definitely won't need any toothpaste! He will however be needing lots of mints!
Bgreen94 12
gross
AggieMike77 12
Time to find someone less stupid and lazy.