Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear: "Do you give head?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML
Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML
Today, I was on the bus when my crush told me to come and sit with him. I got all excited, especially when he put his arm around me. He then whispered in my ear "Hey, is your friend over there single?" FML
Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML
Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML
Today, the cute coworker who's been flirting with me drove me home. While I was contemplating asking him to kiss me, he politely told me to, "Please get out, I promised my girlfriend I'd pick her up." FML
Today, my crush from high school finally agreed to go out with me. While on the seemingly good date, she offered me a discount to her OnlyFans page. FML
Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML
Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML
Today, my friend, on whom I have a crush since I can remember, read the most beautiful poem to me, which he'd written himself. After reading it, he said that it was for a girl he likes, and asked me if it was good. FML
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Top comments
iop330 22
That's when you say yes and headbutt him.
Wolfparable 22
Yeesh. Sorry that happened to you. I hope you decided he's not worth your time.
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Comments (155)
babyblueyes 27
So..what did you say? Spit it out!
sstahpp 33
...hahah or swallow.
laden_swallow09 35
Hah hah! It's because he asked her for oral sex! /sarcasm
Daevas 18
Your replies were bad, and you should feel bad.
Gillett 23
No, don't spit it out. SWALLOW IT!
Gabilliam 19
Flutter your eyelashes seductively and say "Why yes I do..." Then headbutt him in the crotch.
CharlesEmersonW 31
Oh yeah, he's a keeper... not
sstahpp 33
I hope you sweetly said yes.
MzZombicidal 36
Why would this be an FML if she had said yes?
LilTiki559 13
because she was not expecting it and assumed everything was like a Disney movie -_-..and said yes. that could be possibly Why.
R3TROxLOV3 32
22, she could have said yes. It's still an FML because it turns out that the guy may not be hanging out with her for the right reasons.
sstahpp 33
Everyone who downvoted me are probably a bunch of prudes. Ladies...you won't get a husband if you don't suckith the weenerith :/
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
wow. I don't and I got one. . People come in all shapes and sizes and preferences and likes and dislikes etc etc...
squideth 18
Yeah the last thing I'd EVER want is to marry a guy who thinks it's appropriate to proposition me randomly after driving me home.
sstahpp 33
Hahaha..yeah I'm sure you're all sorts of shapes and sizes ;)
Fern_Gully 20
Your life choices must be fantastically horrid #15...
smokecloud_ 37
15/95, I downvoted you for your very close-minded comment/response. Not every man wants his dick sucked at every hour. I love to perform, with gusto, but I'm in a relationship with someone who wants it less than he doesn't. Not every solid relationship requires unrequited oral.
MzZombicidal 36
#110, ignoring the many things I can comment on how incredibly idiotic you sound, the fact remains that your original comment was lame. Not wanting to take a dick to the throat does not make someone a prude. The fact that you think a man will only go for a girl because of her ******* giving capabilities shows that you're the one hanging out with the wrong guys. Oral sex is not always everyone's cup of tea and sometimes it's all someone wants to do and that's totally fine. You seem to be extremely rude and the fact that you immediately turned to insulting people you've hardly spoken to just shows that you probably shouldn't be giving dating or marriage advice. That is all.
Gillett 23
every man does want his dick sucked all the freaking time. woke, sleep doesn't matter!
athrowaway 5
Hey, I'm single, how you doin sstahpp?
JapanMetalFan170 16
Apparently he thought 'give a girl a ride home = *******.' Don't take it too seriously OP, some men just lack tact or charm.
LilTiki559 13
why yes, but some girl also give men a "certain" perception on things.. although OPs reaction to write a FML over it seems to be quite the opposite of her nature. yeet, she would be the first women to be insulted by being called or perceived by what she really is, in public most likely however, but yes, most guys are like that and I myself wish a certain percent of the population was so, myself, bit I digress and those are to my own experiences no insults or disrespect intended towards you but it Was a question AND you Are Your Own Person to answer it or NOT And simply walk away(: as I do not ask just ANYBODY, that is just rude and completely pretentious. People need to respect.
chlorinegreen 27
What? I can't seem to follow your way of thinking...
BlindlyWandering 17
54 What? Dude.. English. I'm sure that made sense in your head, but for the rest of us there's things like grammar, proper sentence structure, the occasional punctuation mark, etc.
Ashd09 30
I think #54 just got a new thesaurus and was excited to try it out
AninOnin 24
Or just basic human decency...
brandoneyez1 25
Sorry OP. Be nice and straight forward. It's ok to point out that's not classy.
BlondePsycho 43
Its still sad when you have to explain to guys "How bout giving me a kiss first before asking for a ********?"
slackerjoe 22
Ewww, Id never kiss a girl that have me head on the first date, or ride home.
squideth 18
But you'd let her give you head? What makes you better than her, exactly?
brandoneyez1 25
To your point, I would if she wanted, but I wouldn't ask for it, but rather let her choose to and believe me.. If she wants to.. She will.
iAmPaul 49
If he's your crush, I don't see how this is an FML for you. ;)
Jinxsie 27
Are you OP's crush?
Fern_Gully 20
Having a crush on someone =/= sexually explicit thoughts
iAmPaul 49
33 - Actually, yes it does.
ShadowlessSpear 21
No, it really doesn't.
Fern_Gully 20
And who says chivalry and romance are dead...
iAmPaul 49
No one, and this FML doesn't disprove that.
Livin_Like_Larry 29
Maybe he was just nervous and blurted out the first thing on his mind
photographer49 22
#23 that does not help his case if getting head was the first thing on his mind
Szaszaspasz 26
He blurted out the first thing that came into his head.
Bragi 12
Seems like a reasonable question...