Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML
Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML
Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
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Top comments
PlasticShark 0
YDI for even wanting to pat the belly in the first place... that's just... disturbing... =
sarah8909 0
So the jewels were sticking out where you were patting or you just didn't bother looking and decided to pat him in that general area? YDI
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Comments (203)
g_unit 0
wtf?
stonerchu 0
If your a girl you can defend yourself with the Oedipus Complex arguement. If your a guy...your just messed up.
JudgeWapner 0
Hahaha #11 and #35 are hilarious comments
circayouandme 0
Ha ha ha it's like FYL and FHL too ha ha ha. If I was your sister I'd be like: "AWKWAAAAAAAAAAARD."
AlexJakubsen1 0
ew you nasty. i had a similar experience with my dog's nipple though. i thought it was a sist and so i was squeezing it and stuff. then I was like 'thats no sist. ewww'.
rknight2 0
are you ******* stupid?
FrenchTickler09 0
So the third and fourth pats you knew what you were doing??? :)
c_R_07 0
actually, #54, the Oedipus Complex is for guys. But one does exist for girls, too...the "Elektra Complex", so either can make that "excuse" i guess. But it really doesn't matter, cause this is messed up...so is Freud...
hellomynameis_ 0
That did not happen. No one is THAT stupid.
laleona 0
um.. how do you confuse a stomach with testicles