Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML
Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML
Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
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Top comments
PlasticShark 0
YDI for even wanting to pat the belly in the first place... that's just... disturbing... =
sarah8909 0
So the jewels were sticking out where you were patting or you just didn't bother looking and decided to pat him in that general area? YDI
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Comments (203)
greedy_dead_soul 0
He enjoyed it.
musicloverr 0
ooohh GROSS
caitie 0
umm..why did you want to pat his stomach in the first place?
imhawaiian 0
thats not bad atleast you didn't touch him in the balls or anything... just kidding but seriously.. awkward
xMooMoox 0
You thought it was his stomach sticking out, but it was his penis. So he had an erection on the couch next to you? Then you proceeded to pat it two times and he didn't stop you after the first? And your name is "whatashame" as in that you didn't get to continue? I can't see why it would be "whatashame" I patted my dads penis instead of his stomach. I would see that as "HowNasty" or "IFeelNasty" or something to that affect. I urge you to seek psychological help as your family has deep problems.
were_giraffe 2
o my
Sokrgirl 0
Hand job? On ur dad... Ew...
gregthestrange 3
#26 and #27 take the cake
xanth 0
Hey you did used to live in there after all =p
randomaddict 0
LOL @ #34 and #35...seriously, how come you dad didn't stop you?? ewwww