Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Lonely
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML
lonely girl
Oregon City, United States 🌶️ Spicy
iTouch
Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Overdoing it a bit
Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML
paidback
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Rejection erection
Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML
Lonely Wanker
🌶️ Spicy
Cranking
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML
masterfail
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML
44haley44
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML
Anonymous
Citrus Heights, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Gimme the D
Today, I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, but he kept falling asleep while I was giving him a handjob. Ugh, no sex. FML
Amy
Prince George, Canada
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
justgreat
Opa Locka, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Repetitive
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Top comments
wanted_2_want 40
Did it ask you "is it in yet"??
RichardPencil 32
You do have another one, or would that be cheating?
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Comments (18)
The_Avatar 22
You should look on the bright side. Some people actually try and force the hand to fall asleep to get that feeling!
wanted_2_want 40
Did it ask you "is it in yet"??
RichardPencil 32
You do have another one, or would that be cheating?
shewasashowgirl 6
Time to use the phrase "On the other hand..." as an instruction.
Rawrshi 25
This is why you're supposed to alternate between hands.
MindGames 10
Stranger danger
abNormal62 23
You know you are a bad lay when...
DerrickJames 33
Loss of blood flow to your hand may be the problem.. you should get that checked out.
theonecasey 27
Do you have "shot" attention span?
Ray_of_midnight 23
This is an old joke by Woody Allen.