Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML
Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML
Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
PlasticShark 0
YDI for even wanting to pat the belly in the first place... that's just... disturbing... =
sarah8909 0
So the jewels were sticking out where you were patting or you just didn't bother looking and decided to pat him in that general area? YDI
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (203)
King_of_Kings 3
not getting enough action outside of home?
Jime 0
i find it funniest that after 2 pats, your dad didn't say anything YOU had to notice it $10 says he enjoyed it
skittles88 0
#34 yur funny:))
Mattyknows 0
Let's review. Your dad has his junk hanging out the couch You sat next to your dad; with his gear hanging out, then proceeded to "pat" the gear. One "pat" wasn't enough. Your dad didn't think to stop you, as you proceeded to "pat" your first home a second time. Is that right? If so . . . **** your mum's life. She puts up with some weird ass shit.
Lotus_Eater 0
Since when does a fat belly look like a package? I don't get how you couldn't tell the difference... :/
DeeJayD 0
What's even more creepy is that your dad didn't do anything after the first one. Aaaaaawkwaaaaaard.
omg_18 0
wtf.
mistress_friday 0
This is beyond disturbing. You must be a really observant person to not notice what you were patting. Why the hell would you be patting your dad's stomach anyway?
ms_nobody 0
First off, Why the hell would you be patting your dad's stomach? and Second, HOW the hell do you confuse a man's junk with his stomach? YOU ARE RETARDED!
SW11 0
some jewels...
Misanthropist 0
The **** is wrong with you? You don't go touching people, period. You just dont. YTDI.