Today, thanks to my wife, our 11 year-old daughter is completely obsessed with serial killers, cults, and true crime. My wife thinks it’s funny and harmless; meanwhile I’m legitimately worried about our child’s mental health. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, thanks to too many true crime podcasts and shows, my wife has lost her marbles. She now insists we use code names for our kids while out in public, so that no predators will hear their real names and follow us home to kidnap them. She’s completely serious. FML
Today, I found out my 36 year-old wife has been cyberstalking an 18 year old-girl for a week. Why? Because the girl doesn’t believe in QAnon. I found out when my wife’s online business started getting backlash. FML
Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I'm now afraid to argue with her. FML
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Today, my eleven-year-old daughter complained that she has "no serotonin.” I fear what is to come for her. FML
Today, my wife and I got into a massive argument after she started a YouTube channel for our young daughter. I explained that I’m not comfortable with god knows who looking at our kid. Apparently, I’m just being paranoid. She’s already recorded our entire house, including my daughter's bedroom. FML
Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML
Today, I realized just how messed up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convinced that I'll start beating her someday. She's started taking martial arts classes, and threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustrated with her. FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML
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Top comments
GoogieWithers 25
She may grow out of it or may not. Serial killers are contain matters that are more suited to later teens or adults and hopefully your 11 year old can process this. However, learning about the terrible things that can happen can make your 11 year old more aware of the dangers in the world. Hopefully you can point out statistics to help her understand the likelihood of meeting a Serial killer or cults,etc.
Yudith_fml 11
Worse case scenario, she'll grow up to become a detective.
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Comments (3)
GoogieWithers 25
She may grow out of it or may not. Serial killers are contain matters that are more suited to later teens or adults and hopefully your 11 year old can process this. However, learning about the terrible things that can happen can make your 11 year old more aware of the dangers in the world. Hopefully you can point out statistics to help her understand the likelihood of meeting a Serial killer or cults,etc.
Yudith_fml 11
Worse case scenario, she'll grow up to become a detective.
Chelsea Smith 7
She will be fine. 😂😂