Today, my girlfriend and I were going to shower together, and things were getting heated until we actually got into the shower and found my roommate's fingernail clippings all over the place. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I woke up next to my roommate staring in horror. She said I was singing and farting in my sleep. Loudly. FML
Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML
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Top comments
Haggis300 25
But did you get nailed in the end?
Miss_Whipped 43
That's not sexy in the slightest. Hopefully you were able to continue elsewhere!
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Comments (14)
Haggis300 25
But did you get nailed in the end?
faeprinxe 13
i guess she got nailed. just not in the way she wanted. hehe.
Miss_Whipped 43
That's not sexy in the slightest. Hopefully you were able to continue elsewhere!
TXfmylifer 10
Probably just a messy dude. If you tell him next time that you'll have a ladyfriend over he'll probably abide and clean up and make himself scarce.
Coffee5555 14
hope you NAILED it
gracehi 33
I once heard a story on the radio about a woman who collected toe nails from herself and other people so she could eat them. She would actually ask other people for their toe nails so she could eat them. I've lived with that in my head for ten years. Now you deal with it.
54754N4 14
I srsly hate you right now..
gracehi 33
Aw, I hate you too, license plate. :)
TheHcwalker 20
How does he not understand how to do that over a trash can
manuwish 9
so you don't clean up before inviting your gf over? especially since you seem to know you have a messy roommate..
9a_z1 11
Maybe your roommate doesn't appreciate you shagging in the shower and this is their dirty protest.
creditless 14
bet u didn't know u were getting a threesome