Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, we had a drug search at school. After the search, we went back inside. My bag was open, and my lunch was gone. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, someone tried to break into my car. They tried to do so by jamming a key into my lock, only for the key to break. I guess the key cut their hand, because I had the pleasure of finding the person's blood all over my passenger door. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year-old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML
Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
may14th 26
I'm hoping it's just clippings and not their entire finger nails. Because that would be a whole other issue.
CogadhTallon 16
Sounds like a nail-biting book.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (14)
may14th 26
I'm hoping it's just clippings and not their entire finger nails. Because that would be a whole other issue.
AlwaysWatching 27
I only clicked on the comments to see how long it took for someone to say that
Earths_Venus 25
Comment #1 nailed it.
CogadhTallon 16
Sounds like a nail-biting book.
chitochito 17
Well, that's Michigan for ya.
Benmantha 31
I guess the previous owner nailed it.
False_Stupidity 42
Call it clip art... Or not.
Saikon1357 25
Ah yes, public education
anyagrande 31
I always pray that things like this don't happen to me at school
vandj8 9
be happy it wasn't a dried up booger - I've found my share in library books.
GreyGirl 15
Someone drew a giant penis on m geometry book
RichardPencil 32
You mean a cylinder with a hemisphere at the end and two ellipsoids of revolution at the bottom. It's all geometry!