Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML
Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML
Today, I gave my dad a brochure for anger management. His response? Throwing a chair out the window. FML
Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
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Top comments
ICastillo 25
Damn talk about living on the edge. Your dad is a real thrill seeker.
Church_Vii 4
You'll miss these memories when you get older. Cherish the moments, especially these unique and exciting ones, so you can tell your children a bunch of crazy stories.
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Comments (65)
lambda_fml 40
He wouldnt happen to be called Peter Griffin would he?
Rainbowjumper0 12
Your username amuses me
AKGirlinSD 20
You beat me to it. I just posted a comment about the user name but missed seeing your comment. I'm amused as well.
Rainbowjumper0 12
Ah well that's okay, I see now that #11 beat us both. You know what they say, great minds think alike!
PenguinBitch 44
Looks like them duke boys are at it again. Be proud he included you in his mid-life crisis and get ready to take the heat if you guys get in trouble with the law. Chances are he'll ditch you and laugh once the boys in blue arrive.
TwoOneFive 11
Sounds like fun! Probably trying to relive his younger years
Sarow_96 13
ur dad is cool XD XD
honestjane 22
Because nothing says family bonding like vandalism and property damage!
His_Holiness 18
How the hell is that a fml? That's sound legit! Lol
perdix 31
When he was your age, he was probably some kind of uptight, stick-up-the-ass, goody two-shoes like you, and he's just showing you how to live before you get too old. Learn from the man and quit being such a wimp! I wonder how he chose the store he attacked: Did they stiff him on a refund, or is he trying to impress the hot cashier he met there?
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Yes because vandalizing someone's store and thus risking to be arrested is a way to live before you get too old. You have some serious growing up to do.
LolPieRofl 11
I dont even know why OP is complaining, i wish me and my dad could do stuff like that.
olpally 33
That's hilarious!! The paint being thrown at a store window, of course. Sounds like an episode of "Jackass" lol. Sorry that you have to live with your dad's mid-life crisis, at least he's trying to have fun.
hewro_failure 11
I feel like what your 10-year-old daughter said is true because why else would she say it? She is only 10 and kids tend to say things as they are... So who is this so-called guy she said was your boyfriend ... I mean she wouldn't just lie and be a sarcastic biotch yet ... After all she is only 10
TacoBelle 8
Yes, kids do lie and by the age of ten they can be quite manipulative. However, you're responding to the wrong FML, unless you think the mom from the previous FML is cheating on her husband by having a long-distance relationship with the mid-life crisis dad in this post.