Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding." This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML
Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML
Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML
Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML
Today, I gave my dad a brochure for anger management. His response? Throwing a chair out the window. FML
Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML
Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML
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Top comments
ICastillo 25
Damn talk about living on the edge. Your dad is a real thrill seeker.
Church_Vii 4
You'll miss these memories when you get older. Cherish the moments, especially these unique and exciting ones, so you can tell your children a bunch of crazy stories.
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Comments (65)
hewro_failure 11
Why is this an FML because I would say that is some pretty awesome father and son bonding if you ask me.
TacoBelle 8
Even more awesome father and son bonding time in jail when they get arrested!
AKGirlinSD 20
Am I the only one to catch OP's user name? It has nothing to do with the FML but still entertaining.
sesor 7
Hahaha best!!!
fsomelife 26
I don't think this is a mid-life crisis...
SweetLuna 10
What a nice bonding moment lol.
Sputnikspak 13
Throwing paint is a little much. Try rearranging all of the real estate signs in your block in the middle of the night. That was my brother's favourite mat night prank.
ninjacow123 6
Man that sounds fun, I'll join
september1395 7
What a lovely father you have(:
yesyesnonono 10
Dude that's ******* awesome. Why are you complaining?
ayyebee 5
Wish my dad would make me do that .