Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
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Top comments
teriyakioxo 4
What have you done to our elderly? D:
DocBastard 40
Maybe the fact that you call it "man meat" like a pubescent teenager is what turned him off.
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Comments (109)
NotGabe 28
Yes, because being compared to the elderly is quite the turn on.
superrocket19 17
Wel.... Bad luck for you
_1296 10
There is a button for that
superrocket19 17
Eh we'll I forgot... Lol
buddy51 23
OP: you wash the "man meats" of your old male patients naked in the shower with them??!! Your marital sex life is over but you still have a promising career in elder care!!
oj101 33
That's why you don't mix your personal and work life together...
buckdharma 38
Did you Dial a wrong # by grabing his Irish Spring with so much Zest that he thought his Lever needed a Lifebuoy?
hannaaaahr 33
How? Excuse me, what? I have no idea what to make of this comment.
andyyroxx 20
Let's give him the Axe and move on. Here's his Head & there's his Shoulders.
THExistentialist 13
I read it seven times and I haven't the slightest idea either :/
andyyroxx 20
Cosmetic/bath products, an attempt to put a punny spin on them. (Clean &) Clear-ly, it didn't work.
Enslaved 38
It didn't-- Dawn on anyone they were all names of soaps. Anyhoo I got a kick out of it.:P
xrudeboyrock 29
wow, I wish I could hit YDI more than once.
GothickNihilist 15
You can if you logout and then log back in.
curlstar 6
What next? Are you going to try to get him dressed for the day, spoon feed him and wipe his ass too? How could you think that giving him the full experience of what you frequently do for elderly men would excite him? I hope you didn't start with, "First I hold their man meat like this..." O.o
Epikouros 32
Some men would love to be treated that way, but they'd be adult babies rather than nursing home fetishists.
perdix 31
Once he realized you do this day in and day out, the clinical junk wash had lost its appeal. I guess it like getting fingered by a gynecologist.
THExistentialist 13
which, honestly, is miserable. my doctor uses his huge sausage fingers so violently i could swear he's trying to turn my cervix inside-out D:
Enslaved 38
I have a female gynecologist. She has the gentlest touch. I like it! (:
GwennaRose 22
36 Great, now I'm picturing a gynecologist attempting to show his wife how he uses huge sausage fingers to examine other women's cervixes everyday *shudders
THExistentialist 13
but he's using his digital examination to press against his other hand on my belly in order to feel my ovaries! the duck-billed torture device is so he can look at the cervix and attack it with giant Q-tips, he shouldn't be trying to break into my uterus!!
agentx52 13
wtf lmao
hurleyjoe 8
How is that in any way sexy? Do you try to turn on all your elderly patients in the shower? If so you should be arrested and if not why on earth do you think it would be sexy to wash his junk like you would an elderly persons? What the blue hell is wrong with you lady?