Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
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Top comments
teriyakioxo 4
What have you done to our elderly? D:
DocBastard 40
Maybe the fact that you call it "man meat" like a pubescent teenager is what turned him off.
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Comments (109)
hienzburgess 9
.....his "man meat"?
RedPillSucks 33
Yes. Obviously, they were eating Subway sandwiches while in the shower. "Man meat" refers to his favorite type of sandwich, pastrami and roast beef on whole wheat.
littlemsweirdo 12
His dick. Okay? Was that so difficult to understand? I'm 14 and even I got the reference.
hienzburgess 9
I know what it meant, it's just an awkward way to refer to it
RedPillSucks 33
Pastrami and roast beef on whole wheat is commonly referred to as "the dick" in New York deli shops. Next time you're in New York, stop by a deli and ask for "the dick". You'll be glad you did.
grtfuldeadlovr 27
Better hope you know a decent therapist. This FML made me sick to my stomach.
kennaem1 11
Maybe he meant other nurses?
beanthemouse 13
Note to self: never go in FML while eating a tuna sandwhich :/
Enslaved 38
If you washed him exactly like you would at your job, it really doesn't sound sexual (your patients might see it otherwise). While in the shower, you could always play hair saloon. Have him shampoo your hair while you're on your knees. ;) Coconut scent!
mimiminx 23
Why on earth were you trying to turn him on by showing him how you wash old men?! I'm a nurse and I can't express how inappropriate this is! Yuck!
Spazz420 7
I work in a nursing home. Keep work and home life separate. He doesn't need to know about all the old man balls n junk and what has to be done.
DDCA 24
Heeellllllllloooooooooooooo Nurse!
RedPillSucks 33
Foreplay failure
JoshieBoy18 3
You deserved it OP. Never try to do your job at home..