Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML
Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML
Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
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Top comments
teriyakioxo 4
What have you done to our elderly? D:
DocBastard 40
Maybe the fact that you call it "man meat" like a pubescent teenager is what turned him off.
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Comments (109)
EvilUndead 9
You deserve it for ruining somebody's fantasy.
firefly319 7
I'm stuck on man meat... Ew.
2035 9
Nursing home....
protectyournuts 5
Why... Just why?
Dmleonard 5
You ******* deserve this freak
vbmg152 19
Okay!?! You so deserve it!
Ziggy122 15
Just... No. Why would you bring up nursing homes while you're fooling around? That's like, at the top of the list of ways to kill the mood.
iAlissa 34
What are you doing at work...?
Goumbush 4
Why the **** would you show him how to wash an old mans dick?
Locoluis 15
What part of "intimacy" is so hard to understand for you? What you do with your husband, you don't do it with anyone else. YDI for treating him like yet another one of your patients.