Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came out of the bathroom and caught my husband peeing against a tree in the backyard. I told him how disgusting that was. He said, "Fine. Back to peeing in the sink." FML
Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML
Today, my husband thinks I don’t love him. Why? Because I won’t poop with him in the room. FML
Today, my husband came home and groped my ass, so I tossed cold water into his face to make him back off. He's now acting like I sprayed him with toxic acid waste now. What a baby. FML
Today, a woman started breastfeeding her infant in a restaurant. Disgusted, I told her to take it to the bathroom, as I was eating. In response, she squirted me with milk then went back to ignoring me. FML
Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend pees in the shower. This would've been OK if he was peeing into the drain. Instead, he pees on the shampoo and soap bottles. FML
Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML
Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
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Top comments
woainishamu 21
He is not the breast husband ever.
jackel_love 14
Next time you should pee on him and say "Well, at least it wasn't breast milk".
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Comments (105)
woainishamu 21
He is not the breast husband ever.
baseballbv 17
The husband should learn not to get pissed off unless he wants to get pissed on.
kibster9 20
Milked on*
milk_cookies83 5
You breast stop with the puns, they're pissing me off.
Murkyy 15
If you get pissed that easily, urine trouble.
BearTheCrown 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yeah, but pee is sterile. /sarcasm
mete_orito 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
And breast milk too!
BearTheCrown 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Is it seriously?
BearTheCrown 8
Never mind, Apparently that was once believed to be true, but then research was conducted which proved that belief to be wrong.
jackel_love 14
All the comments on this got thumbs down, I can't be the only person who finds that funny loool.
nix1993 41
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yeah neither urine nor breast milk are sterile. This whole thread is pointless.
shay_serendipity 29
Okay, first off, I did not detect even the slightest ounce of sarcasm in that comment. And second of all, this thread is pointless. There's no hope in saving it, so it's breast if I end it here before it pisses anyone off.
deathstar3548 14
This thread is never ogre
brandoneyez1 25
He breast get used to it.
jackel_love 14
Next time you should pee on him and say "Well, at least it wasn't breast milk".
kingdomgirl94 29
Unfortunately one of the downsides to female anatomy is the inability to direct pee.
jackel_love 14
So, are you saying even if she stands close to him she wouldn't be able to get any on him whatsoever? I disagree.
kingdomgirl94 29
She'd probably only hit him with back-splash, she'd need to stand OVER a part of him to get him fully.
XBurytheCastleX 25
Believe it or not, I am female and can aim. It's something a girl has to train herself to do, but it's possible.
kingdomgirl94 29
Consider me impressed! As far as I know, my pee goes straight down. May need to work on that now that it may be possible...
gracehi 33
You just have to move your whole pelvis rather than just a tube.
Welshite 40
This entire thread is fascinating. Soon I'll be witnessing females conducting aiming contests to see who can shoot through the bullseye.
Gittoh 21
my cousin won in 'peeing distance' games against boys. if you pee hard enough you can aim lol.
BreathingClover 19
Why has this become of interest to you people? -.-
kingdomgirl94 29
Anatomy and the human body is interesting!
TheMathMajor 26
You can also pull the skin up with your hand just above your lady bits. This makes the stream shoot forward so you can aim.
valalvax 13
Yea if you put your hand down there aiming is easy
people_annoy_me 23
Maybe you should tell him to PISS off.
shay_serendipity 29
Yeah he should definitely piss off instead of pissing ON. On OP, that is.
OhWhoCares 42
Were you aiming for him while you were expressing? I guess sharing bodily fluids is one way of showing each other love... :)
Wyaru 9
I personally find it sexy. Is that weird?
yessirmistersir 4
Haha all these puns
Schizomaniac 24
Are you a Cambodian immigrant?
sexpectations 15
that's udderly unfair of him
sweetbliss3 37
I get what you did there, but she's not a cow.
Drag0nb0rn 22
Quit oppressing otherkin #tw otherkin
Zero_TAlent_ 23
If he was your boyfriend, fine. But he's your husband. You had a change to turn back a while ago. Haha, you're stuck with him now! X)
ks23 9
What!?
TabooSushi 24
You see, there's this awesome thing called "a divorce" that sort of negates that whole "stuck with them" idea...
PokeZilla 9
...You'd let your bf go in the shower and pee on you? How is that even "fine"?
natattack1999 4
52, People take marriage and divorce to lightly. It's supposed to be a life long commitment. And a divorce because he's a hypocrite when it comes to bodily fluids? That's stupid especially when they have a child.
jjones0818 12
Now there you go, divorce, that solves it. Fortunately, that word is Not in our vocabulary. Celebrating 8 years on the 18th!