Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out just how bad my boyfriend's trust issues are, thanks to him being cheated on in the past. He actually had the nerve to ask his 6 year-old son if I had any other men come over while he was at work. FML
Today, I got a call from my ex asking if I could fix her computer. I brought my 7 year old son with me. On the way I told him, how I hated her, but I can't be rude. Once we get there, I say to her "it's nice to see you." My son says "but I thought you said you want her to fall off a bridge?" FML
Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML
Today, my son tried extort me into turning the WiFi back on by hiding my purse. He was mad because he'd lost access for being disrespectful. FML
Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML
Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Today, I came home early to find my (now ex) girlfriend having a screaming argument with my son, because he caught her trying to burn pictures of my late wife. I'm back to being single, but at least I can be proud of my son for standing up to her (he's usually very timid). Can't believe I was dating that psycho. FML
Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML
Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML
Today, my teenage son broke into my gun safe, took my gun, and dumped the magazine into the side of his ex-girlfriend's family home. He's completely stunned that he was arrested and charged with attempted murder. My wife blames me and wants a divorce. FML
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Top comments
dancer824 18
Your son sounds great
may14th 26
counseling works wonders.
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Comments (144)
Sanchez1409 6
LMFAO! XD
rocker_chick23 27
Wow, you think breaking and entering, and hurting someone is hilarous? What if OP's son actuallu did succeed? would you still think it was funny?
rocker_chick23 27
*actually*
VampOfSavannah 31
Sounds like a sociopath.
chosha_fml 27
Your son is a misogynistic criminal who doesn't take responsibility for his actions. FYL indeed, OP.
travislemoine 7
You and him got some ****** up issues
vanaathiel 13
That sucks...but I can kind of see where he may have gotten his issues if he has a parent willing to call him a "paranoid, untrusting psycho" on the internet.
NotANative 8
Your son sounds like me
skittyskatbrat 19
You know, at this point...it might be time to turn your son into the police. That's crossing a MAJOR boundary there. If it was YOUR daughter and that psycho was trying to break into HER house, what would you do? You need to get your son some treatment and it may take a few weeks behind bars for him to figure out the world does not revolve around his wishes. It's tough love now, or you'll be visiting him in jail for something worse for several years in the future. Choose wisely.
AcrusaderA 10
Because calling your son a paranoid psycho can't possibly be harmful
FateIsBlissful 4
Thats charisma right there.
lina21 12
This is something many fail to understand. I can't say what happened with him growing up. But it's now your duty to turn him in