Today, my boyfriend complained that I only respond to his flirtations with exasperation and annoyance. Apparently, grunting and humping my leg like an ill-mannered dog while I'm trying to wash dishes is his way of flirting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML
Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years still can't get it that dry humping me and saying, "But I'm horny" in a goofy voice isn't a turn on. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML
Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend of 3 years saying that his back is always hurting to avoid putting in any work during the bedroom Hokey Pokey was his way of saying I’m a lame screw. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
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Top comments
mrlawlor7777 26
Smack him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper next time and say "bad Fido".
Lorenzo1102 21
Apparently I've been doing it wrong for the last 4 years
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Comments (74)
maxpaine1337 7
Strange, this usually works just fine on my fiancé.
chewebb 8
You chose a good one...
CTPope74 13
You would rather do the dishes then get some...your priorities are whack! Dishes can be done later
leogachi 15
So can sex. You know, when the boyfriend is done being annoying.
Stuffaluffagus 25
My boyfriend does that all time time. Not even close to a turn on. I feel like I have a humping dog, not a boyfriend
ice2eskimos 3
Sure it is
gintwinsmoore 20
this was funny...thanks for the visual, OP!
fsomelife 26
I'd say FYL, but YDI for dating a dumbass.
MissBehavin77 18
Loosen up a little bit. My guy does that occasionally too and I just smile and laugh. He's probably just being goofy and having fun.
leogachi 15
She doesn't need to loosen up just because her sense of humor is different. If she doesn't like it, he should just stop doing it.
Bragi 12
You can't pause the dishes for some nookie? YDI.
mangogummybear 3
Lol I feel yeah girl. mine does the same thing.