Today, my boyfriend complained that I only respond to his flirtations with exasperation and annoyance. Apparently, grunting and humping my leg like an ill-mannered dog while I'm trying to wash dishes is his way of flirting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, i told my boyfriend that I wasn't feeling emotionally well, and wanted cuddles. He proceeded to hump my leg. FML
Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML
Today, my boyfriend of 4 years still can't get it that dry humping me and saying, "But I'm horny" in a goofy voice isn't a turn on. FML
Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML
Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend of 3 years saying that his back is always hurting to avoid putting in any work during the bedroom Hokey Pokey was his way of saying I’m a lame screw. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML
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Top comments
mrlawlor7777 26
Smack him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper next time and say "bad Fido".
Lorenzo1102 21
Apparently I've been doing it wrong for the last 4 years
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Comments (74)
erin55378 17
Tell him he's barking up the wrong tree
WipeHour 11
Not a good idea, really. then he'll have to bark up another tree...not sure op wants that
logan_3416 13
Wow...
boydope420 8
He's got some feral instincts
91hayek 31
1.Start watching Dog Whisperer. 2.Use the discipline techniques. 3.????? 4.Profit.
vikky538 29
Next time if he does the same thing. Throw a stick and ask him to fetch it
siggy_mcsigx 22
Ugh unsolicited grabbing can be So annoying. The only time it's good is when you're both feeling playful. My ex used to do that. FYL op.
IAmzephyr 22
some people love that sort of thing
siggy_mcsigx 22
Cool. but partners should be respectful when you don't love it
jadenjacksonm 14
What have I been doing?
Carebeareatu 23
Haha. Some men are just strange beings OP! Time to introduce him to some romance novels and tell him to take notes!
ajs1987 15
Then she should introduce herself to a few pornos and do the same.
allplayedout 20
That's a good way to have a bad time.
ajs1987 15
He's trying to get you to laugh as well. If that's the only way that he flirts at all, then I feel bad for you. At least fake a chuckle when he does that, and you might just make him feel a bit better.
leogachi 15
Faking a laugh is the worst thing she can do, especially if it upsets her. If he thinks she finds it amusing it only spurs him on to do it again in the future, and that would be bad.
ajs1987 15
Women can fake a lot of things my friend, a laugh would be least harmful to his ego.
leogachi 15
Of course we can fake things, but that doesn't mean we should. Is a small stroke to his ego worth a lifetime of annoying jokes? No. No it isn't.
marcranger 29
Yuck! My ex used to do the same thing, but in bed at 3 a.m. My response to his "foreplay" after a while was to shove him out of bed. I'm not necessarily suggesting that as an option, OP, but I will say that as long as he's not into BDSM, a little jolt to the system will do wonders to retrain the son of a bitch.