Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML
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Top comments
btopishere 1
That's how Peter Parker was created.
Crudez0rz 0
Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha
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Comments (286)
candiigirl456 0
i agree #8 nd #19 hahahaha brilliant. nd did u lose "it" 2 a spider, nd y a sock. wldn't it like just leak thro. ugh jeez thts funny yet sick. lol, nd did u kno tht u made a rhyme nd ya tht is seriously off topic
ihpb09 2
dude... number one, why a sock? number two, where do u live that u get spiders? and where the hell do u leave ur socks?
make_my_day 0
I literally lol'ed at this... good plot line for spiderman whatever number we're on, haha
ETFQT8U 0
- Never have I ever ****** a spider. Your fingers would go down ;D
GNR23 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA This one is DEFF my fave of all time!!!! #19 those are all great!!!!!!! BTW, how does a BIG spider crawl into a sock?
Supahnova 14
Dude, I hope you washed the sock. :P
Aquaslash 0
Oh god, that sucks. That's the LAST place I'd want a spider.
mylifeisfuckeddd 0
and when i find out it layed eggs.. coming up next on Oprah, the world has yet another pregnant man.
Infamous_TGZ 0
LMAO @ #19 Love that you decided to fill us in on the spiders FML that day. HAAAAAHAHAHA.
divxman_fml 0
#19 is god!!~ hahhahahahha