Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML
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Top comments
btopishere 1
That's how Peter Parker was created.
Crudez0rz 0
Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha
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Comments (286)
Kareohlynah 0
#4- LMFAO! hahaha.
PLambeth 0
I'd have lol'd more if you came on the spider before noticing.
xstaticdelta 6
hows your new sider kid
ScorpionSheets 0
Haha, Arachnophillia, that's witty. But I have a question for the poster. You cum into a sock, so do you shit into a shirt? Oh, and another one. Do you have to pay child support?
Sway_fml 0
I don't get the concept of ******* a sock....it's dry and it's probably dirty cause you're not going to unmatch a clean pair...lol. You might as well **** sand paper. And I wouldn't go around telling people you ****** a spider. That can be a buzz kill with the ladies... do you think spider man is going to be born from this incident.
xstaticdelta 6
@#189 ya
xHaniffax 0
1. ********** is not the answer dude 2. Who uses a sock? 3. Where have your socks been to have spiders go into them?
Mrsuperman 0
did anyone else notice it was submitted by someone name SPIDERman
ftsk_fan_12 0
hahahahahahahaha oh my god thats ****** hilarious. omfg bahahahhaha i just cried i laughed so harddd like it prob wouldnt have been as funny if you hadnt worded it that way "basically i just ****** a spider." ahhahahaaha omgggg.
LifeSuxUrBalls 0
Holy shit that is so ******* hilarious! I'm sorry, but it's true. Spiders *shudder* ugh i dare you to wear those socks again. I will laugh in your face if it bit your dick #19 LMAFO!!!!!!!!!! (yeah yeahh ino it's lmfao but im weird like that...... suck on that bitch)