Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML
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Top comments
btopishere 1
That's how Peter Parker was created.
Crudez0rz 0
Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha
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Comments (286)
MusicalXLies 0
Oh my god! How horrifying for you! *shudder* But why a sock?
geebee93 0
...hahhahaha loooooser
eLsiipOte08 0
dude im an arracnaphobic i woulda passed out
devianceguru 0
Best FML ever! I laughed, I cried... BTW, hope u didnt catch any new spidy-STDs, that would suck!
BakerMan_fml 0
That was pretty funny, but I would be just as freaked out lol
nakoami 0
Omg. that just made my day.
qwertyjon 0
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #19 the last one AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH and i feel sry for you dude, but that is kinda weird, i understand finishing into a sock, but not useing one the whole time
azn_m16 0
Hahah, my favorite FML!
ChuckIII 1
Funniest FML i have read yet. There are tears running down my cheeks. That includes the comments, too. For example, as #19 points out, this wasn't exactly a walk in the park for the spider either. LMFAO
NuocMam 0
I understand wanting to ********** into an old sock 'cause it absorbs, right?.....but maybe look inside first next time? You always gotta be careful when it cums to sx and anything related. Lol Srry for you and the spider though... :l