Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML
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Top comments
btopishere 1
That's how Peter Parker was created.
Crudez0rz 0
Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha
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Comments (286)
JakeVee 0
Socks are pretty great, not going to lie. You know, no mess, more pleasure, but its a one time use 'til you wash em again. Spank socks? Inside out? Ew, you're touching dried sperm man! And yeah- If a spider was by my ****, I would die. DIE
Kellayy 0
I love how your nickname is SpiderMan XD!!!
jokerbaby21 0
ew. just ew.
nono_fml 0
haha that was awesomely funny and now im going to bed. thanks fml you made my day.
Nilorac 0
EWWWWW!
HotTamale092 0
hahahhahaha sucks for the spider...
nyyfan4613 0
ewww bro. I could never wear that sock again. Plus wtf ur gonna get rug burn on ur dick.
Riceman80 0
As for the fella that wrote the FML from the Spider's perspective; He's very right. No matter what any woman will ever say to you, you can always shoot back with "Oh yeah? That's not what the spider in my sock thought!" ... Unless, of course, you were intending to have follow-up sex with this woman, at which point I would just grin and bear the jokes.
Red0174 0
THIS IS MY FAVORITE ONE!
GoochSweat 0
yeah since you ********** into socks, a spider is the ONLY thing you're gonna ****....maybe your mother?