Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Today, I finally gathered up the guts to say hi to the girl I like. As I was walking down the hallway, I saw her and waved hello, only to walk into a bathroom door. FML
Today, I went out to lunch with two old friends from high school. While at the restaurant, we saw a girl who we graduated with. The girl gave both of them hugs, then introduced herself to me. FML
Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML
Today, I was working at my job as a cashier, checking out an elderly woman's groceries. She was very nice, and we chatted for a couple minutes. Once she had paid, she leaned close to me and said, very politely, "I'm so so sorry that I mistook you for a girl at first, young man." I AM a girl. FML
Today, after weeks of eating in the same restaurant, I finally worked up the nerve to ask the super-cute cashier for her phone number. "Aw, how cute. Do you have an older brother?" FML
Today, I was working as a host at a pasta diner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said, "That's my mom." FML
Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML
Today, an old woman came into my store for help. Towards the end, she asked me my name. I told her while pointing at my name tag. She then replied, "Oh! I didn't notice since I was staring at your boobs. Much prettier to look at." Sadly, this is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML
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Top comments
youfailed18 0
Hahaha good luck with that relationship.
DncrHap 9
so... did you say hi? sure he's a fifty-year-old man, but, honestly, who has sex face-to-face anymore?
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Comments (89)
xxcrayonsxx 0
HAHA
PplMakeMistakes 2
HEHE
theian01 3
EEE HE HE!
Anteezy 7
HIHI
iliketurdles 7
No she isn't, Jesus approves of FML. That can be your new slogan: 'FML, it's Jesus approved' :D
KMKFML 0
I don't think Jesus would approve of everything on here... Such as Anteezy's Profile Pic.
Anteezy 7
Jesus approves of my profile pic, he said son thou must not fap!
iliketurdles 7
That comment was not meant for this thread but another one. Damn, I need to stop drinking.
PinkieKeen 20
HUHU
vanessaaaa_fml 0
Lmao fail xD
toriluva 0
I hav the same iPod case Damon!!!!! o ya I'm 11 lol SUCK IT
youfailed18 0
Hahaha good luck with that relationship.
catkat1988 17
haha, I'm not sure I'd really say your life is ******, but it did make me chuckle...
Bano360 25
I get an hour break and a fifteen minute break when I work 8hours.
vettle 6
I get an hour and two fifteens. :o you can hate me now.
msapp2 0
wow haha i hate when you cant tell the difference
Zmeilerr 22
You get an hour for break? Even our lunches aren't that long.
prinzess_fml 25
That's Central Europe my friend. In many central-european countries you MUST take an hour break for lunch. Did you know: in Germany if you have a new baby you get paid during a year without going to work! Parents can even share that time, for example the father stays home for 4 months and the mother 8 months. In Holland you get "vacation money" in summer and spring, amounting to (someone correct me if I'm wrong) one month of salary each. In France, a "full-time job" is limited to 35 hours a week. In my area of residence in Switzerland, shops close at 7pm during the week and 4pm on Saturdays, because people think shop attendants should have enough time home with their kids. The situation is easier for the workers in Central Europe, whereas it is easier for the employers in America.
TheDrifter 24
However the central European workers quality of life is somewhat limited. For example in America an unskilled worker can work seventy hours a week and put money away for a better lifestyle, either for himself or his children. The same worker in France will be stuck in the ghetto his whole life and leave his children with little hope for better. But hey, I hear that's how they like it. A bicycle, a little flat and an anti government protest is all they need or deserve right?
Sirin_fml 47
I find your post to be highly informative. Please, Drifter, tell me more.
JerryCedar 2
Whoa, Sirin. *Bows*
UpsidedownKayak 9
You were checking out a guy for an hour. YDI
stormer461 13
Hey it ain't all bad. He probably turned around to check you out because you look like a woman.
talun 10
Deprivation of the opposite sex has caused you to become delusional...
kateeeh 0
haha funny stuff doc!!
LOLSMILEYFACE331 0
Hahah that is amazing, I'm sitting here in church on my iPhone and I'm reading this and I just burst out laughing ... Everyone is now looking at me!(: hahahahah
ClickMyPicture 0
You are going to hell, you know that right?
iliketurdles 7
No she isn't, Jesus approves of FML. That can be your new slogan: 'FML, it's Jesus approved' :D
Khfan12 13
Why in the world are you reading FML on your phone at church? I'm not a super religious person but I do go to church and that's really disrespectful. :/
iliketurdles 7
No she isn't, Jesus approves of FML. That can be your new slogan: 'FML, it's Jesus approved' :D
TheLetterZero 7
Maybe it's because church is boring?
shortystar_fml 0
for real church is boring and i would be reading fmls too if i went to church