Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
Today, I came home to pandemonium: the kids screaming, the house a mess, wet laundry, no food made, and my wife in her office. After cleaning, making dinner, putting everything away, and getting the kids to sleep, I grabbed myself a beer. My wife saw it and said, "You're kidding, right?" FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
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Top comments
Cadeth 13
Don't worry OP you're a strong independent man who don't need no beer!
MisterKnowItAll 15
You probably looked fabulous.
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Comments (70)
pedinhuh 23
It's time to plot your revenge, OP
julzieann 16
I'm guilty of doing this but I didn't let him leave looking like that but I was sure able to once he was beyond pissed he said it took hours to get all the mascara, eyeliner. eyeshadow, lipstick, foundation and concealer off ^_^ he learned to be nicer to me especially before he went to sleep .. worked out well
jahp 7
You can buy beer from a servo in America??
steam_engenius 21
It's weird how many men never look in the mirror before leaving the house...
FweakofCydonia 40
This FML reminds me of those Pokemon scenes where Jigglypuff draws on peoples' sleeping faces.
jvanevery 19
I enjoy a good prank but this is over and above does she not realize that this is humiliating you're not a transvestite WTF
lovinmyfnlife 7
IDK, maybe you don't look the same when you're wearing makeup compared to when you're not. Go back to the gas station & don't worry.
Dooble 7
Paint her face next time she sleeps
withmeall 3
or you could be less insecure about your perceived "manliness", and buy your beer anyways.
velvetwolf01 18
Who buys their beer from the gas station?