Today, I came home to pandemonium: the kids screaming, the house a mess, wet laundry, no food made, and my wife in her office. After cleaning, making dinner, putting everything away, and getting the kids to sleep, I grabbed myself a beer. My wife saw it and said, "You're kidding, right?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home after ten hours at work to find my unemployed wife and 4 kids sprawled out watching TV waiting for me to get home and cook for them. I had to wash all the dishes first because they didn't feel like getting up or helping. FML
Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML
Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess. The first thing my son said was, "Did you bring pizza?" FML
Today, I left my husband in charge of the house for a day. When I returned, I saw him gaming through the window, so I stormed in and yelled at him. Then, my eyes adjusted, and I saw the neatly folded laundry, clean kitchen, vacuumed rugs, and my son, who was asleep until I woke him. Whoops. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my wife called me at work, screaming in rage that she hated me, that I was a useless lump, that she wishes we'd never met. Did I have an affair or burn the house down? Nope. I set up the kids' backpacks for school today and forgot a library book that was due today. FML
Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, after a long talk with the kids, I finally got all the chores around the house done early so we could have a fun family weekend. My wife decided to be a wet blanket and insisted we needed to deep clean the already clean kitchen. Three arguments later, everyone is sulking, and I'm working in the kitchen alone. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
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Top comments
poopface82 25
Blink twice if you’re married to my ex-wife.
Hangryko 32
It sounds like she's overwhelmed. Are you consistently putting in your 50% of parenting and housework?
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Comments (5)
poopface82 25
Blink twice if you’re married to my ex-wife.
Hangryko 32
It sounds like she's overwhelmed. Are you consistently putting in your 50% of parenting and housework?
Thaylok 17
marriage is 100/100 not 50/50. I agree with you. It sounds like he needs to contribute more than just a paycheck to the marriage.
Iamthebanzai22 21
Uh... He just explained how he cleaned the house, fed the kids etc and this is your response? Even if she was overwhelmed, the very least she could have done was to say 'Thank you'. Not lay a guilt trip on him for taking a break. Also, I accidentally clicked the thumbs-up button and now I can't undo it.
Nico97 3
so he picks up the slack and gets yelled at? how is that fair? she doesn’t contribute she doesn’t complain
Rake 18
Some context is missing. Why did she oppose you having a beer? Because she think you didn't do enough? Because you have a drinking problem? Because she in general against alcohol?
emmalou 19
what's wrong with this? The goal isn't to compete on who does more. The goal is to complete more so you can both have more time to relax