Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML
Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML
Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, someone held me down and rubbed ChapStick all over my lips. I have a condition which requires medicinal balm, otherwise my lips crack and bleed, and ChapStick makes it worse. I’m still waiting on the balm to arrive. FML
Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML
Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML
Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML
Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
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Top comments
froggyjade 16
Bet you looked beautiful :-D
blackonblight 33
Hey, if David Bowie can rock glitter lips, why not you? Just channel your inner goblin king.
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Comments (128)
froggyjade 16
Bet you looked beautiful :-D
cakefete2 31
Yes, like a well known vampire.
DKjazz 20
Who? Nosferatu? Dracula? Blacula?
VeganVampyre 27
Dracula's daughter, obviously
cakefete2 31
Those guys are awesome. We wouldn't call them beautiful or sparkly. Just keeping thinking. I'm almost certain it will come to you.
Adm_Twigs 19
classic case of dude looks like a lady
teyyoshi 19
shemale ？ Sissy boy ？
Thunderstruck14 30
There is no need to question someone's gender just because of some lipgloss. Seriously, that makes no sense at all. Guys are all different, there's short ones, tall ones, ones with long hair, some who dress kind of girly, but that's just who they are on the outside, how they like to express themselves.
Rainhawk94 27
Yea right #56. I guess tinker bell lips over here shouldn't worry huh
martin8337 36
I'll bet the other "inmates" said that you have a pretty mouth.
TheWildRover1 12
The efforts of some people to be politically correct are hilarious! I'm all for marriage equality and all that, but cmon there is nothing wrong with calling a guy princess for having sparkly lips! Edit: this hasn't come out in my usually, immaculately articulate way.... but you's know what im on about.
Liamc620 10
haha, soumds like u need better friends. this fml made my day
drshn 22
sounds like you need some friends yourself.
TheZigg 8
It's not his friends false is was lip gloss.
Jjan04 14
#87, Stay in school kid.
DarkCaesar 17
Maybe his friend is a girl...
blackonblight 33
Hey, if David Bowie can rock glitter lips, why not you? Just channel your inner goblin king.
Enslaved 38
"Dance magic dance."
blackonblight 33
You remind me of the babe.
jaredofmo 22
What babe?
amisenho 11
Babe Ruth?
cmayer 20
No. The babe with the power.
Amoondris 17
What power?
Llama_Face89 34
The power of voodoo
arturo_s 10
Who do?
Meettitan 14
What vodoo?
martin8337 36
Or VD
squidgy787 22
You do
False_Stupidity 42
Do what?
blackonblight 33
Remind me of the babe!
lovethenumber13 14
Babe the pig, duh! Everyone knows that pigs are magical creatures worthy of our worship and human sacrifices! Beware! You have proven incompetence by not knowing of such godliness! You shall now suffer the agony of a thousand frying pans for the rest of all eternity!
phreaker913 21
Look before you balm
MissleDusting 7
Did you make that up?
184886837272837 32
Rub it all over you so you look like Edward on a sunny day.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
TWILIGHT!!! Get more glitter and you can pick up younger chicks.
jillytc 23
at least it wasn't glitter glue
ChenEighty 20
That should never be the silver lining of a situation...
PoofTopComment 4
I'm sure that they were just envious of your majesty...
moverby1644 5
Im sure that they were secretly envying your fashion statement
blcksocks 19
Well at least it wasn't Fevistick instead..
sdroze1389 31
Lol looks like you were at the strip club. I do like the chap stick cover story though