Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumped on my lap and vomited all over my doughnuts, stared at me, then bit the doughnut out of my hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML
Today, feeling generous, I bought a dozen donuts for my coworkers. Instead, I ended up taking them into my office and eating all of them in the first hour. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Today, I'd finally got home from a 15-hour shift at work and wanted to lay down and eat. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, went to my room, and sat it on my bed. My dog then jumped right on my bed and yanked the sheets off, causing the cereal to fly everywhere. FML
Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML
Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML
Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML
Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML
Today, I woke up late and grabbed what I thought was a granola bar on my way out. It wasn’t until I was halfway through eating it that I realized it was a dog treat. I had the godawful taste in my mouth all throughout the day, despite several cans of Pepsi and Mountain Dew. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
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Top comments
iSmellNice 2
I feel your pain. I love donuts.
Darsa 0
At least you still had your milk :)
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Comments (163)
tothelimit 0
Sounds like an Omen buddy.
blud 0
Fake, you changed doughnut to doughnut
xxchilloutxx 0
...eh? And the FML staff often change miss-spellings in FML posts
maximumoverdrive 0
that's ******* hilarious. fyl indeed
coldplaylive2003 0
fat ass
Calaura9 0
They were poisioned! Your dog saved your life.
plexico 4
Your dog is obviously well-trained to protect you from overrated, over-priced crap! He also saved your diet. Noticed how he destroyed the crap and left the wholesome milk? Good boy!
Intoxicunt 6
plexi! "Over-priced crap"? You disappoint me. :(
plexico 4
I'm sorry, Toxi, but Krispy Kreme came to Texas with a lot of big hype and expectation. They were very disappointing and it's not just me -- all of the stores in Houston closed. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that it depends on what kind of donut you grew up with, but we resoundingly rejected them here.
Intoxicunt 6
Oh, ok. They are what I grew up with, so they're good to me. Especially raspberry jelly! You Texans living in your whole 'nother country.
teiso_fml 0
Krispy Kreme is all glaze and little actual doughnut.
Ron_fml 0
a true man's best friend
letitbe56 0
If you needed a few drinks to unwind after work, we'd call it alcoholism, but we consider a few doughnuts perfectly normal. I really think we could do a lot to solve the obesity problem in this country if we took addictive behavior surrounding food more seriously. Look on the bright side...your dog may have saved you from a diabetic coma!
Captain_Jello 0
YDI for not having a disciplined dog.
Squeekems 0
Wow. You're dog is intelligent. He knows there are more ways then one to claim property.