Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML
Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer, I saw her battery was flat so I said, "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said, "Not yet." FML
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid poo after an elderly lady sat in one of our chairs and promptly let go of her bowels. I was so embarrassed for her that I even bought her a towel, underwear, and a pair of pants. She then thanked one of my coworkers for all the help. FML
Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
worldclassrager 41
Lesson learned don't touch old ladies tissues
ItsAUnicorn 27
Seems like some simple instructions
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (103)
BabyrooKid 11
It snot that big a deal.
lollypop624 11
Nice lady(!)
Dopeshit_fml 4
omg
darkfireflame 15
I don't think she's going anywhere so not like she can follow up on that threat.
adammc123 4
how? if she cant get up to throw away some tissues, how would she get up to kill everything you love?
KittyBooBoo123 6
Well that escalated quickly.
Aviaf 9
To be fair she's been alive for a hundred years, bit a hundred days. To reach a hundred and still be entirely innocent and sweet is one hell of achievement.
newmember123 6
lol
stolenballoon 5
My mom is a physician at two nursing homes, and, originally coming out of private practice, she says she now understands the difference between dementia and delirium. She also says she's surprised by the amount of patients she has with schizophrenia. I've gone into her work a couple times (for various reasons), and on the floor with the alzheimer's patients, when they scream and shout, it gets my anxiety amped up to such a level that I've burst into tears on a number of occasions.
sean0930 11
My kind of old ladies .lol