Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML
Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer, I saw her battery was flat so I said, "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said, "Not yet." FML
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid poo after an elderly lady sat in one of our chairs and promptly let go of her bowels. I was so embarrassed for her that I even bought her a towel, underwear, and a pair of pants. She then thanked one of my coworkers for all the help. FML
Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
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Top comments
worldclassrager 41
Lesson learned don't touch old ladies tissues
ItsAUnicorn 27
Seems like some simple instructions
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Comments (103)
CeltHound 14
I think she's bluffing.
JarOfPeachz 9
but do you REALLY want to test that theory out?
HeyTherexxx 21
I pictured that women as the old lady in the movie "Drag Me To Hell."
rieebee 23
ugh, that old lady was the first movie char i had nightmares about since i watched IT at age 6.
foreverhappy98 10
I feel it would be wise not to touch the tissues, my young grasshopper.
ECHOSPiiKES 19
Quit bein a grammer nazi
theonecasey 27
Lol she needs coffee
weveallbeenthere 30
yeah, but at a 100, what could she really do.
Mad_Or_Nah 13
is everybody missing the point that she is 100 years old?
slipstreak 10
Bazinga.
azyjazy713 11
Lol great conversation starter. "So have you ruined lives & destroyed things people love in the past?"
kellyem2 20
I don't know why so many old people go through the tissue hoarding phase. It seems like everyone in my grandma's nursing home (including my grandma) at some point started carrying around giant wads of tissue and freaked out if anyone tried to take them away. I never want to get old.