Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML
Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer, I saw her battery was flat so I said, "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said, "Not yet." FML
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid poo after an elderly lady sat in one of our chairs and promptly let go of her bowels. I was so embarrassed for her that I even bought her a towel, underwear, and a pair of pants. She then thanked one of my coworkers for all the help. FML
Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
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Top comments
worldclassrager 41
Lesson learned don't touch old ladies tissues
ItsAUnicorn 27
Seems like some simple instructions
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Comments (103)
worldclassrager 41
Lesson learned don't touch old ladies tissues
worldclassrager 41
Oops...
joseph19921992 10
She prolly had the devils lettuce hidden in there.
CharismaGeek 19
*probably Wow, frexcos I'm surprised you didn't correct that one.
Enslaved 38
Or tell her you LOVE HER! and go from there.
stingray112 24
No she didn't
ItsAUnicorn 27
Seems like some simple instructions
gamercanadian 11
But still seems a bit harsh thou
ItsAUnicorn 27
Did I say something about the intention of the instruction? nah son. simple.
GraceyBlueEyes 13
Did he say you did? Nah mate.
calppp 12
That was.. A bit drastic.
DesmondThePotato 2
Just a little bit.
brenton490 19
Can I say it? That escalated quickly....
aruam365 24
This is nothing! Every single day that I work, I'm told a thousand times worse by my geriatric patients and some of them like to hit and throw things! You get used to it and learn how to handle them. There's some very sweet ones that will surprise you! Also, watch out for the pervy old men... I can't count the times I've been groped!
frustratedcelt 18
I share your pain. I have been knocked out, hospitalised on occasion and left bleeding and bruised daily. All for minimum wage. I work with vulnerable adults and children although previously with the elderly. I have been reduced to tears as a ninety year old frail women developed the grip of a MMA fighter and grabbed me on the inner thigh. It took two grown men to unpeel her vice like grip on my leg. I had bruises for weeks.
Amanyyyyyy 29
Better not touch them then... And sleep with your eyes open...
Whatapuffchild 23
hey shes 100. got to respect her needs
AlaskanG 27
Is that really a "need"?
Schizomaniac 24
Not sure, but it seems pretty ******* serious anyway.
OysterPearls 33
When you've been on the earth for a 100 years, everything's a need.
brivielle 15
cute
JJ_86 22
When yu have lived 100 years, you need to teach the world some wisdom and respect rather than being grumpy.
Trooth 13
Well hey, not touching the tissues sounds a whole lot nicer than touching them. Maybe she exerted her aggression to spare you from the grossness of the tissues? Or maybe she has a weird tissue fetish, who knows?
thatchick1405 17
well that escalated quickly
Mandybruin 15
I thought that was going to go in a totally different direction but I guess it would only go in that direction if she were a guy. I just need to get my mind out of the gutter. Shake out the filth. Yep.
itwasthedognotme 14
I am SO glad I wasn't the only one.
pimrol 16
sweet and innocent. if there's one thing I've learnt its that old ladies are always the worst. they never want to learn anything and are always too full of themself.
LunaRebirth 7
Not always true. My great grandmother is still alive, doing well, and is sooo sweet and caring for others.
ThunderLightTSV 31
Same
rinzlerkitty94 31
My grandmother just dragged me, the adopted grandchild who has vomited several times today, out of my warm bed to give her a bath so she didn't inconvenience the full-blood grandchild who lives with her. I'm the only grandchild treated like a servant.
kelsorg 21
I know that feel, work in a nursing home myself. she probably thought the used napkins had significant meaning to her, in her mind. fyl but I love when senile old people snap like that.