Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML
Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer, I saw her battery was flat so I said, "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said, "Not yet." FML
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
Today, I spent the first two hours of my shift cleaning up liquid poo after an elderly lady sat in one of our chairs and promptly let go of her bowels. I was so embarrassed for her that I even bought her a towel, underwear, and a pair of pants. She then thanked one of my coworkers for all the help. FML
Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML
Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML
Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
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Top comments
worldclassrager 41
Lesson learned don't touch old ladies tissues
ItsAUnicorn 27
Seems like some simple instructions
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Comments (103)
fearlesscooldude 12
Don't touch an old lady's shit?
ladyLALAA 29
My housemate works in aged care, he does home care for a 94 year old woman who begs him to rewash her ******. My housemate is also gay so this is quiet disturbing for him!
AlaskanG 27
...I'd say it's be disturbing even if he weren't gay.
tweetypie 18
I really need brain bleach for the mental image I'm getting from this comment
RedPillSucks 33
Rewash often and vigorously.
Bloink 25
i strongly advise you not to touch the tissues
DontClickOnMe 28
You better listen to her. If you touch her tissues, you'll have some issues. =P
pwnman 33
But with those issues.. He can do some sues! ...
OysterPearls 33
You tried...
qdawg06 23
Alive and kicking I see.
allison12197 23
Something tells me you should just listen to her and not touch those tissues.
PinkkNova 9
You should throw them away anyway
llamaslikesoda 21
Well... Someone's tissues have quite the sentimental value!
trex454 21
does anyone else picture her saying this with a smiley on her face in that sweet, have a cookie, old lady voice
paigexox0 37
Not until now, thank you very much -.-
\ 28
This is why my greatest fear is growing irrationally old.