Today, while babysitting a five year-old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML
Today, I was babysitting my niece and let her watch cartoons on YouTube while I cooked dinner. She screamed as I was cutting up carrots and I cut myself. She had turned on an episode of Happy Tree Friends and was now crying and wouldn't stop. My brother thumped me for not watching her. I now have a cut hand and black eye. FML
Today, I can’t get over that my husband will watch children’s movies all by himself, even though we don’t have kids. Seriously, I brought a friend over today and when we walked in he was drinking beer, watching a cartoon movie about a ladybird-themed superhero girl. It was so embarrassing. FML
Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML
Today, a noisy little kid in the bus seated behind me asked his mom loudly, "Why is that big man watching cartoons for girls?" Me and the guy next to me, who too was watching on his phone, paused for a bit. He smirked, shaking his head, laughing under his breath. He was watching anime; I was watching My Little Pony. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML
Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter for my two kids for the evening. When I came home, I found her sitting on the floor, crying with a full bowl of popcorn, watching a kids' movie. Apparently, my six-year-old had decided to re-enact every scene from the movie, and she couldn’t take it anymore. I had to hug her and assure her that she was doing a great job. FML
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
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Top comments
stinewd 9
you're gonna be a cool parent!
crotchpheasant 0
I'm dr roxxo the rock and roll clown! I do c-c-c-cocaine! let's go get some ice c-c-c-cream and hookersss! yeahhh! this is what that kid got to hear.let's hope he doesnt ask for a hooker next time they take him for ice cream hahaha
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Comments (465)
Dead_Master 0
Haha I love Metalocalypse :D
skreech96 0
why you let any kid watch a show with that kind of name??? and if you haven't heard of that horrible show then youre a little sheltered don't ya think???
senseisuncommon 7
not everyone gets the same shows... and not everyone has the same mind. Ive never heard of it and im sure im not "sheltered"
cuntfacekillah 5
Also, not everyone consistently watches television. I'm sure there are plenty of shows I'll never be aware of.
btgurley 0
just shut your mouth
CitrusGirl 0
It's not like it's on primetime TV. I love the show- my favorite is Toki! But I'm wondering why he was making dinner so late- isn't it on at 10 or 11?
duckie227 22
why are you calling it a horrible show? have you honestly even watched a full episode?
senseisuncommon 7
196, where the **** did you see us say something about it being a bad show...?
100percentwhite 0
**** you ****** that show kicks ass! I'm dr. Roxxo the rock n' roll clown, who does COCAINE!
RebekahBrooke 9
awwww ): poor you and poor kid! D: but im sure he wont remember it in the long run. just say, THATS BAD!! and teach him from it!
ElectricEffect 13
I don't know. Anything to do with clowns often stuck with me with me when I was a kid. They're creepy when they're happy circus clowns, so imagine one with a coke problem.
mariselita93 7
cartoons this days...
KiddNYC1O 22
What?
rainbo955 0
I don't understand why this would get thumbed down and the dude who said "what?" is obviously an idiot. cartoons these days ARE ****** up. two little kids I live with around 8 and 10 are constantly watching family guy, American dad, and robot chicken. you know how they respond when asked to do something? "go **** yourself" "**** off" the other day one of them told his brother "shut the **** up you lying bastard" and I got mad at him and he told me to **** off. these kids are racist, sexist and swearing little buggers. like most kids nowadays. who sit in front of the tv watching nothing but retarded cartoons. and playing dumb video games. *rants*
Mythekos 0
Metalocalypse; teaching kids life values since August 4th 2006.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
that show taught me so much
amanda_d95 9
Nice name : ) an pic : P
sheethapins 13
That showz taughts mesh to layz off ze sauce. You nos tells mesh to layz off ze sauce yous layz off ze sauce yous nots ze boss of shmes! Night night Tokies... *passes out drunk*
The_Weirdo 10
That show taught me how to c-c-c-c-cook sandwiches. Love that show. :)
lucidpattern 6
YDI, stupid. But that IS a funny ass show.
shift_love 13
dr rockso the rock and roll clown! I do cocaine! how did the name of the show not clue you in to the fact that it wasn't a kids show? metalocalypse metal+apocalypse
IslandLove 0
Lol so true, ps love the old gregg (;
barlessprison 16
Well during my younger days, we had Ren and Stimpy and that was filled with sexual innuendos. But at least the kid now knows the dangers of coke.
TomFeltonFan 0
and the dangers of drug doin rock and roll clowns, eh?
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
We also had Beavis and Butthead. This generation has South Park and Family Guy. I didn't think it was possible for people to still think that cartoons were just for kids.
_Oblivion_ 12
lmfao i stil remember beavis and butthead, just barely. i used to watch it when i was like 5 and be like what the **** is this haha
dreamering 16
Tomorrow have him watch "South Park"
ChrisIsANinja 3
Did he like it?? Chances are he might be repulsed by cocaine in the years to come. Or not xD