Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML
Today, my man got arrested for starting a fistfight with a cashier who wouldn't let him smuggle out groceries without paying. It gets worse; two weeks ago he got arrested mugging a guy at a gas station, and he's still on bail. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
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Top comments
newburton13 26
The male ape will protect anything it deems his with great prejudice to any potential competitors. In other words, dude has serious self-esteem issues or a very unhappy girlfriend.
Schiffy 18
Look, it's the generic "I was totally there and you can't prove I wasn't because I'm a random person on the internet" comment.
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Comments (87)
SWC_Penguin 17
That does suck for you, but I feel even worse for the woman. She's dating a man that both views her as his property and thinks it's ok to hit people. Do the math there, it's not pretty.
lolwhatthehellz 15
I really hope his girlfriend did something about that... Sorry, OP.
Nilorak 24
He sounds like a keeper!
HiNowDie 17
Is your subway okay? I've never been punched in my subway before, I can't imagine how much it hurts..
jazzy_123 20
hahaha your picture x)
olpally 33
Please tell me you called the cops! What an idiot.
paigexox0 37
How dare you fall asleep while looking in her general direction
Schiffy 18
More like, fall asleep with his head pointed in her general direction and probably just ended up that way while he was asleep.... but that's a goddamn mouthful.
jazzy_123 20
22, you basically repeated yourself in one sentence. That's like me saying, "I'm going to go to bed to lay down and take a nap and probably go to sleep too."...
zeldagirl77 7
I understand why he woukd be mad but he should of at least said something to you first or like shook you not jumping to a conclusion.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
I don't understand why he'd be mad at someone for looking in the general direction of his partner. Not only that but with dark glasses on he has absolutely no clue if op was even looking at her (which clearly he wasn't). So essentially your saying you understand why this man would be mad at someone for possibly looking in the general direction of his girlfriend.
8born8 18
Imagine if he thought a guy was ogling his gf and he punched him & the guy turned out to be blind... Would he punch the seeing eye dog for good measure? Wtf man? Feel sorry for you op, minding your own business and then *boof* getting jobbed in the face. I sense a violent domestic situation happening soon, if not already. So sad. Sleeping on the train could be hazardous to your health dude, maybe go to bed earlier for a good night's sleep so you'll avoid catching zzzz when in public & seem to be less of an easy target or mistaken for a perv...
Jessssuhh 17
I posted a similar FML yesterday! I was punched in the face by a woman who thought I was staring at her kids, while I was cleaning my glasses and looking ahead of me (I'm really, really blind). It sucks to be punched on a subway, man.
skittyskatbrat 19
Wow. FYL, and FHL for having an idiot asshole for a boyfriend :P