Jerk
Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML
Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML
Today, my man got arrested for starting a fistfight with a cashier who wouldn't let him smuggle out groceries without paying. It gets worse; two weeks ago he got arrested mugging a guy at a gas station, and he's still on bail. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
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Top comments
newburton13 26
The male ape will protect anything it deems his with great prejudice to any potential competitors. In other words, dude has serious self-esteem issues or a very unhappy girlfriend.
Schiffy 18
Look, it's the generic "I was totally there and you can't prove I wasn't because I'm a random person on the internet" comment.
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Comments (87)
AngelLovesDerby 10
Well that sucks OP...
whiteboy896 9
Thanks captain obvious, I wasn't sure but now I know!
thejewishfuhrer 17
Captain obvious, clarifying things that don't need clarification since the beginning of trolls.
SThompson90 7
A new study shows that getting punched in the face sucks 100% of the time.
ohnowhyme123 15
What a pleasant wake up call!
MortenM 17
Next time OP should wear a bigger sweater to cover his boner during sleep in the sub
T1gerwolf 8
Oh that was you?
Schiffy 18
Look, it's the generic "I was totally there and you can't prove I wasn't because I'm a random person on the internet" comment.
Sandman366 6
25-Is it sad when I find both you and #2 funny?
laden_swallow09 35
60 - Very.
thief1434 23
That sucks! Who punches someone for looking at their girlfriend anyways?!
Nilorak 24
Obviously the guy in the fml...
thief1434 23
Yeah, but how many people actually do that?
Nohman 14
At the very least, one, apparently.
jazzy_123 20
extremely jealous boyfriends would. My boyfriend isn't the jealous type and laughs at guys who try hitting on me because 1.) they would never stand a chance 2.) they probably don't have any good game anyway, and 3.) he knows that I know better and just brush them off my shoulder. My friend's boyfriend on the other hand, he doesn't let her do anything or talk to any guys! Its ridiculous. We can never go out clubbing on a girl's night or anything like that because she says her boyfriend will get mad.
XallyX 4
@38 She should dump the guy! If he doesn't trust her she derserves better that's ridiculous.
buddy_J 16
It sound like your friend is in a rather bad relationship that might even turn abusive #38. Might need to have a talk with her about it. She shouldn't let him tell her who she can and cant talk to. Trust is a very very large part of a relationship and it sounds like he has none.
Brandon_Samuru 5
Sweet mother of long ass comments
8born8 18
38. #46 is absolutely on the money. That is, if it hasn't escalated to abuse already. Toxic relationships with domestic violence are not always obvious. Mental and emotional abuse are just as abhorrent, only difference is, the abuse isn't physically evident like a black eye or busted lip. Have a chat about her future and a safe place for her to escape to, should she need to flee in a hurry.
Zamazing 5
Jealous guys.
SuperMew 22
I was in a pretty toxic relationship. He was emotionally abusive and tried to control what I did, what I ate, what I wore, and even my weight/hair/skin color (wanted me to tan.) I finally had enough and broke up with him. But there are some things I had to do first. 1. I removed all my things from his place. 2. I went on his computer and deleted all pictures of myself, any Skype conversations, and Facebook chat. I made sure there were no pictures of us on the computer, his FB, or any of the social sites. I even went on his phone and deleted our conversations. 3. I made sure to get all the money he owed me back by saying I needed some new "sexy" clothing to wear on our trip. When I had everything back, I took the spare key he had and left. I gave his stuff to a friend, and blocked him from everything. Then I called, broke up with him, and that was it. He tried spreading rumors, but had nothing to back it up, and while he came by my house there was nothing he could do. I had him arrested the second time he showed up and when he tried to claim I wanted him there, they laughed and took him away.
laden_swallow09 35
I am favoriting this FML solely for your inspiring story. Dumb **** got what was coming to him. Good show!
jazzy_123 20
Guys, believe me I have tried. She's 19 and he's 24/25 I think. She once told Mr.he wanted to go to Vegas and she didn't let him because she "knows" what happens in Vegas. I told her he isn't her husband and she should trust him and she told me I didn't know what it was like being in a serious, committed relationship. This is coming from a chick who's been with her boyfriend ONLY 2 more months than I have been with mine. So they're both in the wrong but I tried telling her and it didn't work. It's quite sad. He tells her shit for guys she talked to on MYSPACE! that was like 5 years ago! they hadn't met yet! He had his fun and she's letting her youth pass. Oh well. Anywho enough about her. Point is, she won't listen, I tried, that's her problem now. My relationship is good though. We talk about things and compromise. He's not jealous. He basically let's me do what I want and me to him. I think we're great and healthy :) he does so much for me. I think mine is better than hers lol
MysticMonkey 9
Quite a rude awakening. Have no idea how he knows where you're looking.
blancoing 14
he couldn't know... that's the point...
MzZombicidal 36
Can you imagine how that jerk reacts to someone /actually/ looking at his girlfriend? Geez.
theaaxis 27
Considering he thought that was the case, I world say exactly like that. xD
caver1 14
Dude that sucks I. Guess never sleep with others you don't know.
ComoEsJuan 24
Sleeping on the subway is common practice. It's not OP's fault that some douchebag is highly insecure and feels the need to overcompensate by acting "manly".
ThatFancyPenn 18
Our just don't sleep on the subway with glasses on..
P_M95 8
you should have kicked him in the balls
newburton13 26
The male ape will protect anything it deems his with great prejudice to any potential competitors. In other words, dude has serious self-esteem issues or a very unhappy girlfriend.
fargen 21
also the guy is insecure and needs to grow up
Y2Jfan4life 2
I feel sorry for his girlfriend, he seems like the type of guy who will abuse his girlfriend if she talks to another guy.
klc20071989_fml 20
YDI for falling asleep in public.
cyttex 13
Oh no falling asleep in public whatever shall we do, what's wrong with taking a half hour nap?
Jelbeztok 17
People find literally anything to vote YDI.. -_-
buddy_J 16
Sounds like somebody has their panties in a twist. *cough* #8 *cough*
WaterBui 9
I feel bad for the girlfriend; that guy must be clingy.
yoursucklives 36
god must he be insecure!