Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML
Today, my man got arrested for starting a fistfight with a cashier who wouldn't let him smuggle out groceries without paying. It gets worse; two weeks ago he got arrested mugging a guy at a gas station, and he's still on bail. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
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Top comments
newburton13 26
The male ape will protect anything it deems his with great prejudice to any potential competitors. In other words, dude has serious self-esteem issues or a very unhappy girlfriend.
Schiffy 18
Look, it's the generic "I was totally there and you can't prove I wasn't because I'm a random person on the internet" comment.
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Comments (87)
scottyspot 11
It would have been hilarious if he did that to an MMA guy and had gotten his ass handed to him.
LolCandy 27
That's when you turn and ask the girlfriend "So, you like to date men who attack random strangers because they're insecure. Good luck with posting bail for the rest of your life." Then just smoothly walk away... or run, because the guy would probably punch you again.
ASBriere 8
Sorry dude. That girl has more problems than you though sadly. You should of kicked is ass to make him look like a dick
rdnkchevy 9
Can you say Insecure..
Credibleskills 28
Dang that sucks....
JMichael 26
That's when you kick his ass and show him up in front of his girlfriend. Then she becomes yours. You know prison rules.
Nickb55 16
Isn't that what sunglasses are used for?
fmlife__x13x 5
who wears sunglasses in a subway
Mommy_of_one 2
Many people do
8born8 18
Someone who's fast asleep.
azyjazy713 11
Damn, talk about insecurity.
mxij 13
I think his true motive was the shades inside. It sets off the automatic douchebag alert