Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML
Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML
Today, my man got arrested for starting a fistfight with a cashier who wouldn't let him smuggle out groceries without paying. It gets worse; two weeks ago he got arrested mugging a guy at a gas station, and he's still on bail. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
newburton13 26
The male ape will protect anything it deems his with great prejudice to any potential competitors. In other words, dude has serious self-esteem issues or a very unhappy girlfriend.
Schiffy 18
Look, it's the generic "I was totally there and you can't prove I wasn't because I'm a random person on the internet" comment.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (87)
ericm87 3
Wow op
8born8 18
Drugs are bad. Mmmk.
RamiUSMC 9
at least you had eye protection
rawlings123 17
actually i think the glasses made it worse. They probably left a mark near his eye
fargen 21
The guy that punched you needs to grow up and not be a little insecure baby. plus I would press charges for assault.
TogeBara 12
Time for the old fashioned law suit. You can't just assault someone for looking at a friend or girlfriend. I'd have his ass arrested, no doubt.
crazydave1998 6
i would've beat his ass then asked out his gf right in front of him
Thunderstruck14 30
Wow. Why so violent, humans? If he couldn't even see the guy's eyes, he shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and punched an innocent stranger! I mean, I'm glad he wants to protect the person he loves, but that doesn't mean punching a stranger for thinking he's looking at her. That is just so ridiculous. The only time its okay to punch a stranger is if they're being violent and attempting to physically harm someone.
purochiwas1 9
Dammmm, Jelouse Much???
arianaxoxo 8
If I were the girl I'd be embarrassed that my bf's such a dick
brandoneyez1 25
Fight back.