Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said, "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML
Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying, "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML
Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
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Top comments
scheme 0
owned
Craig92EIRE 0
at least you're warm:)
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Comments (138)
jamjenni2774 0
Thats just nasty!!
sparxva 12
hahaahaaa! She's funny!
perdix 31
The ol' Dutch Oven. Well played, Mrs. cold-n-stinky, well played.
GETOVERIT2039 0
Perdix, you are 100% pure win.
FML858 0
^totally agred actually 110% OH BURNN WHAT NOW lol no i joke
Laker_Fan_24 11
U r to young to be here cuz u still like Justin beiber
ceceisgay 0
yuck !
jif_fml 0
divorce her.
iloveyou1266 4
WTF ?!
PrincessCastiel 27
Welp, that does seem like the only rational and logical solution huh #17?
Spac3Ghost 0
shove your dick up her hole =) show her who's boss =) she must know when her husband wants to **** her =) be a man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha sorry.... =()
EvilDoll 7
we must be swift as the coarsing river! (be a man) with all the force of a great typhoon! (be a man) with all the strength of a raging fire! mysterious as the dark side of the mooooooon!
john443 5
That sounds so familiar.
lynsieloowho 0
haha
razorp 0
sounds like ownage, when I saysomething that my gf doesn't like she will turn around and burn in my face, and then say " did it stink?" with a smile on er face
Feiso 0
well, Theres your climax :p
armandoX113 0
she's a keeper