Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML
Today, my dog wanted to go upstairs, but she has stitches and was having trouble. So I carried her to the top, at which point she peed all over my carpet. FML
Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML
Today, my dog has very watery diarrhea. I laid down paper towels to soak it up, and went to get sanitary wipes for the rest of it. When I came back, my dog had dragged the paper towels up onto the sand coloured loveseat. Sand coloured no longer. FML
Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML
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Top comments
flea_of_death 23
Why not let her outside? O.o
Keevarou 17
At least the shit did not hot the fan? Now to something less lame, you did what you could, and to try and cover the walls too would not be on everyone's mind. you just had a stroke of bad luck, and hey. Cleaning up the walls are probably better than the carpets, and easier
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Comments (116)
Keevarou 17
At least the shit did not hot the fan? Now to something less lame, you did what you could, and to try and cover the walls too would not be on everyone's mind. you just had a stroke of bad luck, and hey. Cleaning up the walls are probably better than the carpets, and easier
hockeygoalie13 15
The number of grammatical errors in your comment is killing me, but I have to give you a break because it looks like English is not your native language.
Keevarou 17
It would be ok to say that anyway, people will not get anywhere unless they are told when they are wrong, and you are more constructive than grammar nazis which usually leads to people getting ashamed for what they write, so you do not really deserve the thumbs down you have gotten honestly.
cgart96 15
Why does it matter anyways?
zandalee 20
Welcome back Keevarou! Your lovely comments were missed. X
Keevarou 17
I have a on/off relationship with FML :P Which is why I disappear at times and so on But thank you ~
SmittyKick 18
I'm guessing your kitchen tile is crap repellent..
MichellinMan 20
This is just too stupid to insult.
caden_bro 9
I don't understand...
dingleberrysteve 6
right, because tiling kitchen walls is standard practice
flea_of_death 23
Why not let her outside? O.o
Sandsh8rk 36
Either she lives in an apartment or her backyard or frontyard isn't fenced.
Peachy2392 26
That's why you buy a leash for your dog
spluver0005 17
I live in a condo and you can't just leave your dog outside all day even if they are on a leash
Peachy2392 26
I wasn't suggesting that. All I said was buy a leash, damn. Buy the dog a leash so you can take the dog outside without worrying about the dog running away.
Lukensz 16
But... Nobody said OP didn't have one? I think it's pretty logical for ANY dog owner to have a leash, even if they had a garden.
Peachy2392 26
15 said they may not have a fence or something like that, that's why I said "that's why you buy a leash" I wasn't trying to imply that the owner doesn't already have one. Just saying the reasons 15 listed are some of the reasons you buy one.
SgtAssCheeks 21
@Peachy you have a thick skull...
TheOnlyKittyKat 15
This is horrifically irrelevant, but Peachy's profile picture reminds me of Voldemort. She's got no nose.
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
28- OP said her dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. Even if she had a leash, why would she want to take her dog out every time it had to shit or vomit. If you want to do that, and have that kind of time, then please, be my guest.
Doritozilla 20
Perhaps the dog may be like my dog and jump over the fence and runaway?
caitylynn05 16
Projectile ********! Like projectile vomiting but worse!
sanecatlady 13
Nothing is worse than projectile vomiting.
newzealand 28
Really?! Nothing is better than projectile vomiting
mackdeezy 22
Thats ruff
Queensland 27
No. Stop it. Go away. You're hurting us.
UrYousername 15
Cue the puns that use "shitty" in some way.
Keevarou 17
You should start as a psychic
aoc123 8
wow sounds like the shit really hit the fan
Sandsh8rk 36
It actually only hit the wall.
RedPillSucks 33
Lucky OP didn't have one of those floor stand oscillating fans in the kitchen.
Silly_Lilly6969 23
Looks like you got a shitty situation on your hands
DocBastard 40
You can leave now. No seriously, get out.
mario2012 18
If you were male, I would punch you.
ninjuh_wingman 29
Damn Mario you angry that Peach got kidnapped again or something?
MidnaLink 35
You done screwed up now, Chica
Sandsh8rk 36
I'm standing by what Doc said. Leave. Don't come back until you've learned your lesson.
ryanthecheeseguy 18
Not every excrement related FML needs this pun.
Welshite 40
Calm down, people. You're just as bad as the original comment when you gang up and post scathing messages.
gc327072 31
Comments like this make me want to dress up in a complete Ronald McDonald costume, shout "McFucking kill yourself!" And throw a Big Mac in their face. Can't you noobs see you're making me insane with these things? *angrily takes medicine while muttering about the "old days" of FML*
JasonUMN 15
It's truly a dog's life.
oj101 33
OP, this is a perfect opportunity to go a little unorthodox, and buy your dog some doggy diapers!