Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, but when I told him anal takes prep, like stretching and lubing, and you can’t just jam a knob up there like in a porno, he lost all interest, asked for a blowjob, and when I said no, he started sulking. I struggle to remember why I’m with him. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, looked at me, and said, "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML
Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
gojira666 7
Another way of saying hes got a long, thin, flaccid weiner and your ****** is large and in charge?
louiseth 9
Interesting analogy..
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Comments (138)
ViperiousX 1
Maybe if u hadnt been sleeping with so many guys it wouldn't have that big of a problem.
robc32ca 4
So you're so loose he goes soft. Sounds more your fault.
Clamcreepy 7
Well the reason he's going limp dick is because your wide open like double doors to a restaurant who's also loose as a goose...how do you expect him to keep it up if there's no feeling on his part?
SlickWillyTFCF 5
What I got from this is that you're ugly (limp dickedness) and have a gaping maw for a ****** (the Pringles can).
9R1NC3S5 0
Oh my "GOD" that's an epic analogy!!!! I'm dying of laughter. Poor you Hun
SheepShoop_fml 20
Since the ****** is composed of a series of muscles, and muscles do not become loose and flabby when they are used frequently, the "has a lot of sex so is loose" theory holds no water.
SheepShoop_fml 20
Kegels! Both of you. That is such a bizarre comparison though.
adambagboy16 0
Kegls*
Bigboned38 0
I you like him alot and he dumps your ass for saying that C U Next Tuesday:)
stevenmx86 8
You're going to have to explain it to us too ( or at least me). That's a pretty dumb way to explain it if you ask me...
guillermods 3
Because your ****** is super saggy?