Weirdo
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
United States 🌶️ Spicy
I want Jesus to come inside my heart
Today, I went to church for the first time in my life. They had a Jesus statue at the altar, and I noticed he was surprisingly muscular. Ten minutes later, I had to excuse myself, after I caught myself fantasizing over a crucified Jesus. FML
Top comments
DocBastard 40
I would tell you to kneel and pray, but I'm afraid you'd get confused while you're down there.
harrypotter955 19
May The Lord be with you
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Comments (92)
RoboCunnilingus 23
You caught the Holy Ghost, I see.
RedPillSucks 33
You'd be thrown out of our church since we have a statue of the baby Jesus
Enslaved 38
Praying to the heavenly body? That's not the *sun they were speaking about. **Wish I didn't have that "Exorcist" crucifix scene playing in my mind. >.
poccocurantes 7
Eat me! Drink me! Oh wait, that Alice in Wonderland.
bakerella 29
Gross, what is wrong with you? YDI
poccocurantes 7
Jesus is kind of a rock star.
bugmenotmofo 34
Well, I'm sure it is possible to find partner that can share your interests and play jesus with you. Still I think you need to get laid. Or get some relief, at least.
duckiegirl21 10
Rock me, rock me, rock me sexy Jesus!
perdix 31
Rubbing one out in church is against the rules. If only they'd encourage that kind of behavior, they'd get much better attendance and frequent spontaneous calls to God and Jesus.
bvq25 8
she thought he was a god, obviously.
Axipiter 24
As I'm reading this, the vote for YDI is 666...