Today, I promised my husband "unlimited butthole access" if he'd get off his video games and help me with my homework. He pointed out that this was the fourth time I'd promised him that, and that since I never followed through the last three times, he wouldn't be doing a thing. Well, shit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML
Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML
Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML
Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky so I promised my husband he’d get some at bedtime. He promised not to hold his breath. When I asked what he meant, he told me it’s been 83 days since our last shag, and in that time we almost had sex 16 times, only for me to change my mind, hence not holding his breath. FML
Today, I told my husband I was making a points system for him to earn sex by doing chores and favors. He said, "Okay, I'll make one for dates. Every time you go five days without whining or nagging me, you get a date." I give up. FML
Today, my husband told me that, to feel less unreliable, he was just going to stop saying he was going to do anything around the house. That way, when he actually did something (i.e. wash dishes), I could be pleasantly surprised. FML
Today, my spouse made it clear that they would rather play video games than be intimate with me. I've tried everything, but get nothing. FML
Today, after my husband yet again failed to complete his To-Do list, I took away his Xbox and PlayStation and told him he could have them back once the list was done. He stared at me and said, "No. You're not my mother. Give them back and we will talk like adults." FML
Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML
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Top comments
Nico97 3
smart man
Gubbon 17
Shit indeed.
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Comments (6)
Gubbon 17
Shit indeed.
TomeDr 25
Don’t promise what you won’t deliver. Honestly, you two need couple’s counseling.
Nico97 3
smart man
L0life29 6
and men are the jerks 🤦🏻♂️
an_average_guy 6
Your own fault.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Basically OP, go **** your own asshole.