Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my coworker brings in meat for lunch every single day and eats it at his desk. I'm a vegan and the smell makes me feel sick for hours. The management won't reprimand him or move either of us. FML
Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML
Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML
Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML
Today, as usual I am allergic to onions (I fart A LOT if I eat any). It seems there were some in my breakfast sausage meal as I spent the day having major diarrhea; I'm shitting once an hour. That would be okay if I'd stayed home, but my sister asked me to pick her up at school. Guess who shit herself while driving… FML
Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML
Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML
Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML
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Top comments
bfsd42 20
Shove a cork up his ass.
heavymetalman1 0
Sounds kinda shitty...sorry op
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Comments (127)
heavymetalman1 0
Sounds kinda shitty...sorry op
Streeet_hayley 6
Im sure its gonna stop once he ends up in the hospital.
ryanp97 6
stop replying to the first comment... asshat
JojoChuo 8
1's post reminds me of South Park (one of the episodes haha!)
labudamike 6
Whata dumbass
imthatguythatdid 0
Well thats how he likes it i guess.
MissBunnyWillEat 11
9: Go hump a cactus, bastard.
THE_A_TEEN 28
#9 You sound like a complete 8 year old when someone cuts in line for lunchtime. Let me guess, you wanted to be first, but instead someone beats you and you write this, " oh wah, I wanted to be first, but someone beat me, now I will complain, WAAAAAHHHHH". Baby want a bottle, a BIG DIRT BOTTLE?!?!?!
WildKoala43 2
Loving the pun ;)
justalilrandom2 4
49, you seem to have missed it completely. 9 is complaining that someone keeps replying with an irrelevant comment to the first comment.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Just like you like it ;)
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Just like you like it ;)
NavySEAL13 0
Op you must yell at him this stop eating shit you jelly belly shity titty fat ****
btnhdude 0
MissBunny Lend him your left leg! ... Sorry i wanted to say it.
btnhdude 0
I apologize, i was just teasing you
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Yay! A "shitty" comment finally got thumbs up :D
ikickgingers 15
Whataburger?
monkeys1315 0
He's gonna die eventually
fanceh 10
He'll kill himself by the end of the month, no biggy.
cali_dude 5
Sucks how it's a daily thing for him.
Jovecove 13
Hahaha life's short, eat em!
YayorNay 8
More like it smells shitty.
fakeaccountX 6
Whatadumbass.
SirObvious 1
Step1: Buy two large chocolate shakes Step2: Buy nose plugs Step3: Insert nose plugs Step4: Give Him the shakes Step5: Lock the bathroom door Step6: Watch the fireworks Step7: He's fired Step8: janitors hate life Step9: YOU WIN!
chell1894 13
Seriously, what a moron.
abbyelizabeth 9
Whataburger will do that to a person. He should try a healthier place like good ol Mcdonalds.
IscoreOnU 19
Does no one else realize there's NO ******* Whataburgers in Florida....
fmlallthetyme 23
170 - Yes there are. Maybe not by you, but there are multiple Whataburgers in Florida. If you don't believe me, check the Store Locator.
killtin 2
Your stupid we have 4 near where I live in Florida
hiyourcute 0
What the hell is whataburger? Is it like the east coast's in n out?
rallets 23
i looked at their website, theres like 500 whattaburgers in florida i messaged him the link, so thats probably why no one else realized that
bfsd42 20
Shove a cork up his ass.
CryMoreFMLs 15
But, then he'll just vomit shit instead of ... Shit shit...
yankfan89 27
That would be a fun experience to have to cork him
saIty 17
And patiently wait for him to explode.
CrazyManNo9 29
Yeah, don't forget the Super Glue.
Snookie85 19
Lmbo!
FunnyGuy5051 7
I read "cork" as something else lol
btnhdude 0
Nope, you're just reading '****' as 'cork'. Im purrrty sure of it.
MagicallyFat 12
Perhaps you should shove that cork down his throat so he doesn't eat as much. Do me next
daphish 10
Just tell your boss
SarahSehhati 40
They make little tablets you chew before you eat dairy so you can avoid all of this..... lol
smurfsarwales 9
if you can't beat them join them. communal dump?
jefffluffingham 5
no, if you cant beat them, use a sword. seriously, tell his doctor and family.
pedosmurf 7
Can't blame him whataburger is the shit!
zinoxity 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Tell your boss.
fadingfaith 4
Tell his doctor.
jacob12311 4
I like your pic 87
ThatOneCanadian 0
now thats hot.
Spinnmaster 1
Freaking sick bro, come at me!
ryanp97 6
better drink your own piss
MissBunnyWillEat 11
Why? Is OP Bear Grylls? I apologize for the spelling if it's wrong, I'm too much of a lazy bastard to google it.
bfsd42 20
Bastard? Is your profile a lie?
amrik 11
52 made my life
joey1314 5
Hey 52 I we don't need to know your personal life. So please talk about you having no parents
djgomezzi9331 0
I we? Could you not decide or what?
NavySEAL13 0
52- I love you
slushpup9696 12
I liked her description. *shrugs* Her huge amount of swagger followed by huge amount of intelligence made me click on her profile. Now I know she hates and loves stupid people.
leila131 0
Lol wow!!:-)aahhhahahaha!!! Ok im under control....ahahahaha i like what one guy said . Shove the damn cork up his ass or tell him there is a pakage in the bath room, then when he goes in lock him in......DENIY EVERYTHING!!!!!;)
robertlovespi 3
Cork his ass!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Then pork his ass!
YayorNay 8
Fork his ass
gandhislayer 6
Spork his ass!
YayFlameWarz 9
Pride; He gots it!
ItsTheKing 10
He does have pride. If pride meant: "problems".
upyourzlolz 11
And this is why people sterotype Americans for being fat.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Well it's more of a statistic...
lovexbox 8
I find this hilarious when people say Americans are the "fat" ones although Canadian McDonalds' have Double Big Macs.
robertlovespi 3
A double big Mac on a menu doesn't make Canadians fatter. If it does, I would like to see some evidence to back that up lady.
hellokittay 5
Every country has fat people in it, not just the United States and Canada.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Yes, 141, but America was just this year knocked off the top spot for Fattest Country in the World and not because Americans slimmed down, but because the rest of the world is catching up on the pounds.
angela3222 0
It ticks me off because I know more people who are anorexic or bulimic then fat people... Personally I think being anorexic is worse then being fat... But we all have our opinions.
evilplatypus 39
I think being obese is worse. At least anorexics aren't using up valuable resources. And it pisses me off big time that fat-asses are making a "life-choice" or a "personal decision," whereas anorexics 'must have something going horribly wrong in their mind'.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
173 Health wise, being thinner is better than being fatter. I'm not talking about extremes, just slightly over vs. slightly under. I'm also not talking about what's "attractive" or what's "acceptable" or what's politically correct. You might be biased because you know more people who are anorexic/bulimic than obese, but please remember that all three are eating disorders, albeit at different ends of the spectrum. 177, I can see your point, but obesity is as much of a choice as anorexia/bulimia. It's mostly a psychological issue. Different people have different ways of dealing with stress and emotions. I'm sympathetic towards those with weight issues, but by no means should we pretend it's okay to be obese.
a_nutritionist 10
@173 you must move in odd crowds. clearly the focus will be on the more prominent issue, which is overweight and not anorexia. or perhaps you confuse slim with anorexic.
Bowser6622 5
Did his brain malfunction?
alycion 39
Whataburger is so gross though.
bugmenotmofo 34
No. But his body sure did.