Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my coworker brings in meat for lunch every single day and eats it at his desk. I'm a vegan and the smell makes me feel sick for hours. The management won't reprimand him or move either of us. FML
Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML
Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML
Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML
Today, as usual I am allergic to onions (I fart A LOT if I eat any). It seems there were some in my breakfast sausage meal as I spent the day having major diarrhea; I'm shitting once an hour. That would be okay if I'd stayed home, but my sister asked me to pick her up at school. Guess who shit herself while driving… FML
Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML
Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML
Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML
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Top comments
bfsd42 20
Shove a cork up his ass.
heavymetalman1 0
Sounds kinda shitty...sorry op
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Comments (127)
Prankster7o7 5
Hahaha, the kid is Norwegian!
perdix 31
He'll be dead soon. Call dibs on his stapler and other desk aids. Let the other cube monkeys duke it out for his chair.
kateinurarms 13
How bout you get him some pills that help him digest the lactose instead of complaining??
that_nerdy_sock 3
Okay,he likes whataburgers. I like milkshakes too. Stop picking on him!
xblitzx34 0
Damn u from Texas u gotta eat whataburger
th4m4ster 6
attack him with febreeze
cetlawizard 15
I feel for you OP, I work @ a walmart deli & I see people like that all day long, worst part is trying to go to the bathroom myself, because you can tell who eats our greasy foods from the hot case since it smells & sounds like they drank a whole fryer of grease before crapping & the toilets look like a shit grenades exploded in them....some can't even get sat down before their ass sounds as if it's blowing like a volcano! :(
KiddNYC1O 22
English site, dude.
Kyzahhh 7
111, are you laughing or summoning the devil upon us?
iDaniel525 8
There are Whataburgers in different states?! I thought it was just in Texas.