Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my coworker brings in meat for lunch every single day and eats it at his desk. I'm a vegan and the smell makes me feel sick for hours. The management won't reprimand him or move either of us. FML
Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML
Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML
Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML
Today, as usual I am allergic to onions (I fart A LOT if I eat any). It seems there were some in my breakfast sausage meal as I spent the day having major diarrhea; I'm shitting once an hour. That would be okay if I'd stayed home, but my sister asked me to pick her up at school. Guess who shit herself while driving… FML
Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML
Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML
Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML
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Top comments
bfsd42 20
Shove a cork up his ass.
heavymetalman1 0
Sounds kinda shitty...sorry op
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Comments (127)
luckyspades 0
that really blows a load
granpa_haribo 13
Don't worry, he'll die soon enough
walrusman 0
Ha! This is why I love fat people
Daddymo 14
Don't worry, he'll be dead soon :-)
macleod2486 0
That blows, sucks to have to work with a dumbass like that.
angela3222 0
Why does this remind me of the episode of The Office when Michael gets crap put into his office by his "friend."
brandonz404 1
diebetes has nothing to do with it, ive got it and i eat what i want.
Jaxx66 21
Like what? I have an insulin dependant friend who is an alcoholic and loves ice cream. I'm just waiting for him to lose a limb so I can yell ' I ******* kept warning you, dumbass! Don't whine to me. You gonna change now?' That's all his co worker needs. To lose a foot. That'll learn 'im
ShroomsOnAcid 17
You know what else is hard to resist (assuming you've had it before)? Crack.
thejedi08 10
diabetes has nothing to do with gas! TRUST ME! skinny people get gas too... also, People WITH diabetes CAN eat whataburger they just cant eat alot of sugars. stop hating on him and DO YOUR ******* JOB! YDI for posting this!
Speakeroftruths 3
"Skinny people get gas too"? Where in this FML did the OP say that his coworker was fat? Skinny people get diabetes too.
heimdallr 14
Lactose intolerance has plenty to do with gas, though. I'd be pissed too if I had to work with someone that doesn't keep it in check.